Original post: February 14, 2015
When I get a license at the Marriage Factory, I scan it for age, county (non-Alameda county weddings require a little more processing and explanation), and names, so when I call out to the masses in the lobby, I have a rough idea of where to aim. A Chinese couple in their 20s are unlikely to be the 3 elderly Hispanic gentlemen sitting together.
I rarely look at the other information until the ceremony is underway, and mostly just as a point of conversation. "Oh, you were born in Michigan. My wife grew up there." The address is usually the least interesting thing about a couple, although if it's the same for both participants, at least they know each other well.
Imagine my shock when I glanced at a license and saw my own address. Not my current address, mind you. That would be a little too baffling. No, this soon-to-be-wed duo live in the house my father bought in the late '80s when he first moved to California. When I headed west to start my new life here, I stayed with him for a year, and then in that house for 2 more years while he headed back east.
I've never been back to the house since leaving it to pursue employment and stability. It was a nice house then and I'm sure it's even better now, especially with the real estate values in the Bay Area. The couple were very kind in talking with me about the house after I performed their wedding, not at all unnerved as I asked questions about the wall color and carpeting. Then they went on their way, back to the place I used to live.
Fashion report
A groom in Crocs and a bowling shirt with train illustrations, a groom who took off his hoodie for the ceremony, and...well, that should be enough
By the numbers
Ceremonies: 10
Formal wear: 5
Couples who live in a house I used to live in: 1
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
A Rose By Any Other Name
Original post: February 6, 2015
The wedding bouquet has its origins in ancient times, to ward off either evil spirits or the smell of plague. It wasn't until the 19th century that flowers supplanted herbs and leaves. Nowadays, at least at the Marriage Factory, the bouquet serves mainly to get in the way of the couple holding hands and to block the photographers from capturing the moment the bride puts a ring on the groom's finger.
Bouquets take many forms: store-bought amalgams of mums, blossoms and baby's-breath; neatly shorn roses in red, white, pink, or coral; rubber-banded sunflowers with blooms the size of a baby's head. Doesn't matter - they're all difficult to wrangle when the time comes for the vows and the handholding. Still, some brides seem utterly stricken when it comes time to set aside the flowers. I never demand one way or the other. I just wonder how many pictures there are of a bouquet covering the groom's hand as his soon-to-be-wife slides an invisible ring on him.
Fashion report
A beautiful ecru dress matching a traditional Filipino embroidered shirt in the same color, with a flowered headband in the same palette
By the numbers
Ceremonies: 9
Formal wear: 4
Ceremony where the children outnumbered the adults: 1, although the kids were well-behaved
The wedding bouquet has its origins in ancient times, to ward off either evil spirits or the smell of plague. It wasn't until the 19th century that flowers supplanted herbs and leaves. Nowadays, at least at the Marriage Factory, the bouquet serves mainly to get in the way of the couple holding hands and to block the photographers from capturing the moment the bride puts a ring on the groom's finger.
Bouquets take many forms: store-bought amalgams of mums, blossoms and baby's-breath; neatly shorn roses in red, white, pink, or coral; rubber-banded sunflowers with blooms the size of a baby's head. Doesn't matter - they're all difficult to wrangle when the time comes for the vows and the handholding. Still, some brides seem utterly stricken when it comes time to set aside the flowers. I never demand one way or the other. I just wonder how many pictures there are of a bouquet covering the groom's hand as his soon-to-be-wife slides an invisible ring on him.
Fashion report
A beautiful ecru dress matching a traditional Filipino embroidered shirt in the same color, with a flowered headband in the same palette
By the numbers
Ceremonies: 9
Formal wear: 4
Ceremony where the children outnumbered the adults: 1, although the kids were well-behaved
Hoppin' New Year!
Original post: January 6, 2015
New Year's Eve at the Marriage Factory was surprisingly tame in the wake of Monday and Tuesday's 30 weddings apiece . Imagine my surprise when Friday was busier than ever! My average is 8-10 weddings; this week, I did 16.
The largest group was about 35 people - 2 elevators' worth. Once they arrived, everything went fine, although the groom went with "I will be true to you as long as I will", not "as long as I live". Usually when the bride catches that, she is not happy.
There were 2 or 3 nervous brides. One swiveled back and forth during the vows, making me almost say "Grow gently with each other and do the twist" instead of "encourage each other".
Fashion report
Lots of well-dressed folks this time around. Vests, coats, and beautiful dresses abounded. A few were even color-coordinated. There was a groom in the top half of a suit whose bride was wearing what looked like the suit trousers. Per the title of Miss Janet's blog, let's not speculate about what that means.
By the numbers
Ceremonies: 16
Formal wear (suit/dress): 6
Recruited witness from other couple in lobby: 1 (3 counting New Year's Eve)
Crowd larger than 30: 1
"As long as I will": 1
New Year's Eve at the Marriage Factory was surprisingly tame in the wake of Monday and Tuesday's 30 weddings apiece . Imagine my surprise when Friday was busier than ever! My average is 8-10 weddings; this week, I did 16.
The largest group was about 35 people - 2 elevators' worth. Once they arrived, everything went fine, although the groom went with "I will be true to you as long as I will", not "as long as I live". Usually when the bride catches that, she is not happy.
There were 2 or 3 nervous brides. One swiveled back and forth during the vows, making me almost say "Grow gently with each other and do the twist" instead of "encourage each other".
Fashion report
Lots of well-dressed folks this time around. Vests, coats, and beautiful dresses abounded. A few were even color-coordinated. There was a groom in the top half of a suit whose bride was wearing what looked like the suit trousers. Per the title of Miss Janet's blog, let's not speculate about what that means.
By the numbers
Ceremonies: 16
Formal wear (suit/dress): 6
Recruited witness from other couple in lobby: 1 (3 counting New Year's Eve)
Crowd larger than 30: 1
"As long as I will": 1
The Marriage Factory In 2014
Original post: January 2, 2015
Weddings. People keep having them. Here's a couple who got married at the Rose Bowl. Business at the Marriage Factory continues apace. I usually do 8-12 weddings each Friday morning. This year, I even subbed on Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve. Christmas Eve was busy, New Year's Eve not so much.
This week, I did a pair of double weddings, where groom #1 was the witness for couple #2. More people than you think get married on the spur of the moment, finding a witness among the similarly inclined or the kindly romantic. Our no-appointment-needed policy is very attractive to those with a yen to take care of everything at once, mitigated only by the need to feed a meter until their turn comes. Every once in a while, that is a gating factor, at least until a last-minute scramble sets things right.
Witnesses number from 0 to "Please, if you can't find a seat, stand quietly." Children are quiet or excited or bored or screaming or some combination thereof. Tears and laughter, mostly from the bride, sometimes from the groom, often from the crowd. Every once in a while, a sigh of relief from a parent, sibling or even a child, glad her folks finally made it official.
Fashion report
There have been a number of lovely outfits since I last wrote. Wednesday, a patterned blue shawl blouse with fringe, followed by a white macrame-style knit dress. Each groom matched his bride, midnight blue bowling-shirt cut for one, cream linen suit for the other.
I've seen long, flowing gowns and simple but elegant sundresses; modest heels, thigh-high lace-up boots, and pink bedazzled flip-flops; sweeping up-dos, long flowing locks, shaved heads, and even a veil or two.
Weddings. People keep having them. Here's a couple who got married at the Rose Bowl. Business at the Marriage Factory continues apace. I usually do 8-12 weddings each Friday morning. This year, I even subbed on Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve. Christmas Eve was busy, New Year's Eve not so much.
This week, I did a pair of double weddings, where groom #1 was the witness for couple #2. More people than you think get married on the spur of the moment, finding a witness among the similarly inclined or the kindly romantic. Our no-appointment-needed policy is very attractive to those with a yen to take care of everything at once, mitigated only by the need to feed a meter until their turn comes. Every once in a while, that is a gating factor, at least until a last-minute scramble sets things right.
Witnesses number from 0 to "Please, if you can't find a seat, stand quietly." Children are quiet or excited or bored or screaming or some combination thereof. Tears and laughter, mostly from the bride, sometimes from the groom, often from the crowd. Every once in a while, a sigh of relief from a parent, sibling or even a child, glad her folks finally made it official.
Fashion report
There have been a number of lovely outfits since I last wrote. Wednesday, a patterned blue shawl blouse with fringe, followed by a white macrame-style knit dress. Each groom matched his bride, midnight blue bowling-shirt cut for one, cream linen suit for the other.
I've seen long, flowing gowns and simple but elegant sundresses; modest heels, thigh-high lace-up boots, and pink bedazzled flip-flops; sweeping up-dos, long flowing locks, shaved heads, and even a veil or two.
Why I Wear A Bow Tie
Original post: October 31, 2014
The Supreme Court recently declined to hear protests against the overturning of several same-sex marriage bans, instantly legalizing same-sex marriage in enough places that over half the US population could be guests at a same-sex marriage in their home states. Well, Miss Janet was into marrying those couples long before it was popular everywhere.
I started at the Marriage Factory at her behest the day same-sex marriage was legalized in California - in 2008. My first wedding joined a pair of women. Proposition 8 was heavy blow to me. I took it very personally, despite being in no way personally affected. The wait for that same court's Prop 8 & DOMA rulings last year was long.
While waiting for all that hash to get settled, Jesse Tyler Ferguson of Modern Family started a website called Tie the Knot (tietheknot.org) that offers stylish bow ties through The Tie Bar (thetiebar.com), with most of the proceeds going to marriage equality organizations.
I dress rather formally when I go to the Marriage Factory. If I dressed the way I do to go to work, couples would be getting married by a guy in a polo shirt & jeans - hardly "most important day"-worthy. My wife thought I'd look good sporting one of the aforementioned bow ties, and bought one for me last year, before the court's decision. I wore it the first day I married same-sex couples, and for weeks after. After a while, I surrendered to routine and stopped wearing the tie. It's hard to tie one well, and not every shirt looks good with a bow tie.
Earlier this month, she bought me the George Takei tie. George is not only Lieutenant Sulu, he is a gay rights icon. I think it looks more like Eddie Van Halen's guitar from the "Jump" video than anything to do with Star Trek, but I wear it with pride. Pride in a job well done.
Ready to perform a marriage ceremony
The Supreme Court recently declined to hear protests against the overturning of several same-sex marriage bans, instantly legalizing same-sex marriage in enough places that over half the US population could be guests at a same-sex marriage in their home states. Well, Miss Janet was into marrying those couples long before it was popular everywhere.
I started at the Marriage Factory at her behest the day same-sex marriage was legalized in California - in 2008. My first wedding joined a pair of women. Proposition 8 was heavy blow to me. I took it very personally, despite being in no way personally affected. The wait for that same court's Prop 8 & DOMA rulings last year was long.
While waiting for all that hash to get settled, Jesse Tyler Ferguson of Modern Family started a website called Tie the Knot (tietheknot.org) that offers stylish bow ties through The Tie Bar (thetiebar.com), with most of the proceeds going to marriage equality organizations.
I dress rather formally when I go to the Marriage Factory. If I dressed the way I do to go to work, couples would be getting married by a guy in a polo shirt & jeans - hardly "most important day"-worthy. My wife thought I'd look good sporting one of the aforementioned bow ties, and bought one for me last year, before the court's decision. I wore it the first day I married same-sex couples, and for weeks after. After a while, I surrendered to routine and stopped wearing the tie. It's hard to tie one well, and not every shirt looks good with a bow tie.
Earlier this month, she bought me the George Takei tie. George is not only Lieutenant Sulu, he is a gay rights icon. I think it looks more like Eddie Van Halen's guitar from the "Jump" video than anything to do with Star Trek, but I wear it with pride. Pride in a job well done.
Standing by for the next couple to marry
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
The Name's The Same
Original post date: October 27, 2014
Some names are very common at the Marriage Factory. John, Joe, and Mary, and their Spanish counterparts, certainly. Last week, though, I had 3 grooms, 2 in back-to-back ceremonies, with the same first name - one that wasn't a common first name. It's the first time I remember that happening with this particular name. I'll need to keep an eye out for similar occurrences.
Note to couples posing for pictures before the ceremony:
You can take a few, then let's get down to business. When I'm being moved out of the way so the photographer can get several poses from different angles, it's time to get going. I know you wore your best clothes and look as good as possible, but let's do the whole "reason you're here in the first place" part. You'll have plenty of time for pictures once you've actually been joined.
Technology is not for everyone, but when it works, it's very impressive. One member of a couple was struggling to get FaceTime working on his phone and his parents' phone so they could be present at the ceremony. I gave them a couple chances, and then recommended we have the wedding and he could talk with them afterwards. As I began, they rang him to say they'd finally gotten it working. A couple minutes later, there they were! We started from the beginning, and all went well. When we'd wrapped up things, he told me they were joining us from Israel! Whew! I'm glad they got everything working, as I'd hate to come between a nice Jewish boy and his mama on his wedding day.
Fashion report
Some names are very common at the Marriage Factory. John, Joe, and Mary, and their Spanish counterparts, certainly. Last week, though, I had 3 grooms, 2 in back-to-back ceremonies, with the same first name - one that wasn't a common first name. It's the first time I remember that happening with this particular name. I'll need to keep an eye out for similar occurrences.
Note to couples posing for pictures before the ceremony:
You can take a few, then let's get down to business. When I'm being moved out of the way so the photographer can get several poses from different angles, it's time to get going. I know you wore your best clothes and look as good as possible, but let's do the whole "reason you're here in the first place" part. You'll have plenty of time for pictures once you've actually been joined.
Technology is not for everyone, but when it works, it's very impressive. One member of a couple was struggling to get FaceTime working on his phone and his parents' phone so they could be present at the ceremony. I gave them a couple chances, and then recommended we have the wedding and he could talk with them afterwards. As I began, they rang him to say they'd finally gotten it working. A couple minutes later, there they were! We started from the beginning, and all went well. When we'd wrapped up things, he told me they were joining us from Israel! Whew! I'm glad they got everything working, as I'd hate to come between a nice Jewish boy and his mama on his wedding day.
Fashion report
- The bride in a beautiful blue shift with gold patterns - she was glad she "made it through without crying".
- The couple who both wore suits - hers was a gorgeous white pantsuit like Bianca Jagger's Yves Saint Laurent from 1971.
- The granddad who wore a Giants cap - go orange & black!
Tears & Kisses
Original post date: October 18, 2014
Some tales of tears and kissing:
The bride & groom have a Spanish wedding. Both speak English but the family doesn't, including the bride's father. The ceremony is lovely, and the couple are very happy. Dad is also happy. He is an older man, dressed in traditional western gear, and tears are running down his face. His daughter explains that he is thrilled to see her married.
My next couple are women. They also cry, very happy to finally be married, even though they are younger than me. They were also very passionate. I've seen many post-wedding kisses before, ranging from a dry peck on the cheek to the borderline pornographic. These ladies - they knew how to kiss. Quite beautiful.
I married several same-sex couples that week. None were matchy-matchy. Better luck to me next time.
Some tales of tears and kissing:
The bride & groom have a Spanish wedding. Both speak English but the family doesn't, including the bride's father. The ceremony is lovely, and the couple are very happy. Dad is also happy. He is an older man, dressed in traditional western gear, and tears are running down his face. His daughter explains that he is thrilled to see her married.
My next couple are women. They also cry, very happy to finally be married, even though they are younger than me. They were also very passionate. I've seen many post-wedding kisses before, ranging from a dry peck on the cheek to the borderline pornographic. These ladies - they knew how to kiss. Quite beautiful.
I married several same-sex couples that week. None were matchy-matchy. Better luck to me next time.
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