Samuel Johnson called second marriages "the triumph of hope over experience", and I think were he to join me for a week of weddings, he'd double down on that. This past week saw several return Marriage Factory customers, including one couple who'd had 5 previous swings and misses between them. If there's one thing marriage teaches, it's that everyone makes mistakes. Sometimes the marriage is that mistake.
It would seem that being married before affects the chances of success, but luckily, my personal experience belies that. My mother stayed married to my stepfather from 1981 until she passed away. I have relatives and friends in very happy second or even third marriages. I am married to someone who has been married once before. We have been married almost 15 years, so it seems to have taken. Since America is the land of reinvention, why shouldn't that apply to weddings?
Fashion report
It was all about tiger print this week, with one bride in tiger-print heels and another in a tiger-print blouse. The winner was my final couple, with guests dressed in flowing multicolored saris and the bride in a black gown with gold detailing and beads.
By the numbers
Ceremonies: 10
Formal wear: 8
Couple who had a large crowd at their confidential wedding: 1
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Friday, April 3, 2015
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
What's My Story?
Original post dates: September 15-17, 2013
The alarm rings at 7:30 AM. I do not want to get up. The bed is comfortable and the dog is snoring ever so slightly.
I turn on the bathroom heater and start the shower. 20 minutes later, I am clean and clean-shaven, wearing gray slacks and a button-up shirt. I head downstairs to check email, bring in the local paper, and, if it works with the shirt, grab my bow tie. The dog is usually smart enough to stay in bed.
By 8:15, I am walking to the bus stop, where I buy the Chronicle. If my timing is right, I catch a bus quickly. If not, I may be late. If I'm late, someone else will do my job.
The walk from the bus is about 10 minutes. If I'm early enough, I pick up breakfast - a toasted cheese bagel with butter and orange juice - from the deli around the corner. If not, I'll grab it later, if things slow down.
I walk through the door, greet the clerks, buzz into the back room, and it begins: 4 hours of joining couples in wedded bliss at the Hall of Records in Oakland. I've been marrying couples every Friday morning since June 2008 - more than 2000 pairs. Some Fridays are boring - 3 or 4 couples, with nary an interesting tidbit. Other Fridays are non-stop - 15 couples, and every one's got a story.
How did I get started? Why have I kept going?
My wife is in Miss Janet's book club. Their meetings are grouped in sessions, and each session ends with a potluck supper. I show up for the potluck because Janet usually makes something delicious involving meat.
During the potluck right after the state of California first legalized same-sex marriage, Janet bemoaned the shortage of marriage commissioners to handle the tidal wave of couples newly free to marry, and asked if anyone in the club wanted to join her at the Hall of Records.
I did some acting in college, so I have no problem standing in front of people and talking. My wife and I had been married almost 8 years at that point, and things were (and still are) working out well, so I was (and still am) a big fan of marriage. I had (and still have) gay friends, and the thought of them being denied a basic right was ridiculous. Those seemed like good enough reasons to volunteer.
Anyone who's read this blog probably knows what happened next. All the new folks and the pros gathered, oaths were sworn, vows were hastily copied and distributed. The terror of ruining someone's perfect day gradually gave way to the contagious joy radiating from enfranchised people. I got better at gathering groups onto elevators. I massaged here and poked there and finally constructed the ceremony that said what I wanted to say about marriage: its obligations and its rewards. I set to joining folks in matrimony.
Once the initial surge calmed down, a lot of the volunteers drifted away. I liked the routine and the people, both staff and couples, and my boss was kind enough to bend my work schedule to keep Friday mornings free, so I stayed. That was more than 5 years ago.
Working at the Hall of Records lets me evangelize and proselytize something I believe in firmly - marriage.
As I've mentioned, I am married, and happily so. Marrying my wife has been the smartest decision I've ever made, and I've made some awfully good decisions. Marriage has proved a stabilizing influence on both our lives, and enabled us to weather some rather bad storms. I'm sure Janet would agree that having someone with you who's promised to hang around through thick and thin, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, makes getting through the rough times a little easier.
I am a satisfied customer not just of marriage, but also of the Hall of Records. I marry people in the very room in which I got married, a twist I hadn't expected. The Hall staff are kind people whom I consider friends, and they do their very best to help the soon-to-be-newlyweds. The routine provides a nice grounding and a good end to each work week.
Most couples are at least a little happy they're getting married. Some are so overjoyed that tears and laughter spontaneously erupt - occasionally simultaneously. When you can spend a few hours a week helping people feel that good, and you're not breaking the law to do it, why wouldn't you?
The alarm rings at 7:30 AM. I do not want to get up. The bed is comfortable and the dog is snoring ever so slightly.
I turn on the bathroom heater and start the shower. 20 minutes later, I am clean and clean-shaven, wearing gray slacks and a button-up shirt. I head downstairs to check email, bring in the local paper, and, if it works with the shirt, grab my bow tie. The dog is usually smart enough to stay in bed.
By 8:15, I am walking to the bus stop, where I buy the Chronicle. If my timing is right, I catch a bus quickly. If not, I may be late. If I'm late, someone else will do my job.
The walk from the bus is about 10 minutes. If I'm early enough, I pick up breakfast - a toasted cheese bagel with butter and orange juice - from the deli around the corner. If not, I'll grab it later, if things slow down.
I walk through the door, greet the clerks, buzz into the back room, and it begins: 4 hours of joining couples in wedded bliss at the Hall of Records in Oakland. I've been marrying couples every Friday morning since June 2008 - more than 2000 pairs. Some Fridays are boring - 3 or 4 couples, with nary an interesting tidbit. Other Fridays are non-stop - 15 couples, and every one's got a story.
How did I get started? Why have I kept going?
My wife is in Miss Janet's book club. Their meetings are grouped in sessions, and each session ends with a potluck supper. I show up for the potluck because Janet usually makes something delicious involving meat.
During the potluck right after the state of California first legalized same-sex marriage, Janet bemoaned the shortage of marriage commissioners to handle the tidal wave of couples newly free to marry, and asked if anyone in the club wanted to join her at the Hall of Records.
I did some acting in college, so I have no problem standing in front of people and talking. My wife and I had been married almost 8 years at that point, and things were (and still are) working out well, so I was (and still am) a big fan of marriage. I had (and still have) gay friends, and the thought of them being denied a basic right was ridiculous. Those seemed like good enough reasons to volunteer.
Anyone who's read this blog probably knows what happened next. All the new folks and the pros gathered, oaths were sworn, vows were hastily copied and distributed. The terror of ruining someone's perfect day gradually gave way to the contagious joy radiating from enfranchised people. I got better at gathering groups onto elevators. I massaged here and poked there and finally constructed the ceremony that said what I wanted to say about marriage: its obligations and its rewards. I set to joining folks in matrimony.
Once the initial surge calmed down, a lot of the volunteers drifted away. I liked the routine and the people, both staff and couples, and my boss was kind enough to bend my work schedule to keep Friday mornings free, so I stayed. That was more than 5 years ago.
Working at the Hall of Records lets me evangelize and proselytize something I believe in firmly - marriage.
As I've mentioned, I am married, and happily so. Marrying my wife has been the smartest decision I've ever made, and I've made some awfully good decisions. Marriage has proved a stabilizing influence on both our lives, and enabled us to weather some rather bad storms. I'm sure Janet would agree that having someone with you who's promised to hang around through thick and thin, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, makes getting through the rough times a little easier.
I am a satisfied customer not just of marriage, but also of the Hall of Records. I marry people in the very room in which I got married, a twist I hadn't expected. The Hall staff are kind people whom I consider friends, and they do their very best to help the soon-to-be-newlyweds. The routine provides a nice grounding and a good end to each work week.
Most couples are at least a little happy they're getting married. Some are so overjoyed that tears and laughter spontaneously erupt - occasionally simultaneously. When you can spend a few hours a week helping people feel that good, and you're not breaking the law to do it, why wouldn't you?
Me, ready to go
Amour For The Long Haul
Original post date: February 6, 2013
Weddings were thin on the ground this week - just five. During one ceremony, the groom got choked up, barely able to say the vows. The dumbstruck groom made me think of AMOUR, a french movie currently playing in a few art houses here in the Bay Area. It's the story of an elderly couple as the wife slowly loses her faculties and slips away. AMOUR won top prize at the Cannes Film Festival, and is nominated for several Oscars. It is by all accounts a powerful and masterfully made film. Despite the acclaim and glowing reviews all around, I won't see it.
Every description of the movie mentions how wrenching it is to see someone lose the person who means the most to him. As I get older, the fear of that loss grows in me. I am more sentimental than I used to be, tearing up at images of loss in songs, TV shows, and even the odd commercial, so sitting through 2 hours of that is a non-starter.
How does someone get so connected to someone else that just the confirmation of that connection overwhelms him? I see the depth of that connection every week, sometimes several times in a single shift. I don't mean to cast aspersions on those couples who aren't moved by the wedding I perform - many have already had elaborate ceremonies or are legally codifying a union they've had for years. Do those marriages where one or both of the partners gets verklempt have a better chance of succeeding? Statistically, no, but I'm guessing it's a good start.
Fashion report
The most memorable witness of the week was the child with a tuxedo shirt like the ones that were all the rage in the '70s who also had spiked hair that looked like a strip of galvanized roofing nails. Not an easy look to pull off.
Weddings were thin on the ground this week - just five. During one ceremony, the groom got choked up, barely able to say the vows. The dumbstruck groom made me think of AMOUR, a french movie currently playing in a few art houses here in the Bay Area. It's the story of an elderly couple as the wife slowly loses her faculties and slips away. AMOUR won top prize at the Cannes Film Festival, and is nominated for several Oscars. It is by all accounts a powerful and masterfully made film. Despite the acclaim and glowing reviews all around, I won't see it.
Every description of the movie mentions how wrenching it is to see someone lose the person who means the most to him. As I get older, the fear of that loss grows in me. I am more sentimental than I used to be, tearing up at images of loss in songs, TV shows, and even the odd commercial, so sitting through 2 hours of that is a non-starter.
How does someone get so connected to someone else that just the confirmation of that connection overwhelms him? I see the depth of that connection every week, sometimes several times in a single shift. I don't mean to cast aspersions on those couples who aren't moved by the wedding I perform - many have already had elaborate ceremonies or are legally codifying a union they've had for years. Do those marriages where one or both of the partners gets verklempt have a better chance of succeeding? Statistically, no, but I'm guessing it's a good start.
Fashion report
The most memorable witness of the week was the child with a tuxedo shirt like the ones that were all the rage in the '70s who also had spiked hair that looked like a strip of galvanized roofing nails. Not an easy look to pull off.
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