Original post: March 24, 2015
Despite several people telling me different, Friday was not the first day of spring. It was the day before the first day of spring. That did not stop all manner of folk from deciding to ring in the new season with a new spouse.
The Marriage Factory was busier for me than it's been since Valentine's Day. More importantly, I got to train a new clerk/marriage commissioner. I've trained a few in the 6+ years I've been doing weddings, and it's great to watch someone learn how to guide the couple to the best possible experience. That includes understanding how to control a crowd, knowing the ins and outs of the paperwork, and above all, spreading what joy we have on their special day. Mostly it's about making sure the names are spelled right, trying to keep the kids quiet, and repeating the vows until the bride & groom hear them.
This week was no different in those respects: a nervous bride who rocked back and forth from "I (your name here)" through "I now pronounce you", a license that had to be reprinted twice for the same mistake, and various children tearing around the room.
When the new clerk was ready for her first wedding, I let her take the lead. She did a great job, especially since she knew the couple. It was a surprise to both her and them. They are having a large ceremony later this month in which the clerk's former beau is a groomsman. She handled what could have been a very awkward situation with far more aplomb than I might have, sending them on their way with a great souvenir picture to show their soon-to-be bridal party.
Fashion report
The day started with a bang: a beautiful black dress with beaded backing and a silver headpiece. There were several suits and a traditional cotton wedding dress and shirt.
By the numbers
Ceremonies: 14
Formal wear: 9
Toddlers in pin-stripe suits with ties: sadly, only 1
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
Changes To The Wedding Room
Original post: March 16, 2015
The decor of the Wedding Room is novel for a county office: wood paneling, dark wood benches and flower stands, and 2 large tapestries in earth tones with metallic appliques. The tapestries are hung at right angles, creating a natural place for couples to stand. On special occasions and holidays, the clerks hang decorations.
A few years ago, in preparation for one of the super busy days (11/11/11 or some such), the clerks wanted to make the room more festive, so a few bought a garden arch and festooned it with shiny fabric, Christmas lights, and plastic flowers. While a little unsteady at first, it was a thing of beauty - an inspiration to commissioners and guests alike. Each Friday, at least one or two couples said something like "Wow! I had no idea it would be so lovely!"
For Valentine's Day, there were usually 2 more arches, each in its own meeting room-turned-wedding room. Those arches stayed up for a few weeks after the holiday, just in case we got really busy.
Imagine my shock when I brought my first couple up last week and the arch was gone. While the room was interesting by itself when I started at the Marriage Factory, I'd gotten used to the arch. Without it, the room was, well, dull, like a Christmas tree without ornaments. There's nothing wrong with a pine tree, until it's been a Christmas tree and then isn't one.
The clerks shared my dismay, for they had not been warned about the arch's removal. Why destroy a feature that was obviously a big plus for workers and guests alike, especially something that those same workers had invested time and craft in creating?
The answer came later that day, and was as satisfactory as possible: the existing arches were cleared out to make room for sturdier, nicer arches. One problem with the arches we had before is that they would wobble when children pulled on them, as children bored with a wedding are wont to do. The new ones should render that issue moot.
I took this week off, so I'm hoping the new arches are in place to dazzle me upon my return. They have quite a bit of charm to live up to.
Fashion report
A Tibetan wedding dress like this, a pink skirt with sparkly pink shoes, and a peach chiffon off-the-shoulder dress.
By the numbers (2 weeks)
Ceremonies: 13 (5 & 8)
Formal wear: 10 (3 & 7)
Crowd over 25: 1
13-day-old baby with a knit strawberry hat: 1
The decor of the Wedding Room is novel for a county office: wood paneling, dark wood benches and flower stands, and 2 large tapestries in earth tones with metallic appliques. The tapestries are hung at right angles, creating a natural place for couples to stand. On special occasions and holidays, the clerks hang decorations.
photos courtesy Miss Janet
A few years ago, in preparation for one of the super busy days (11/11/11 or some such), the clerks wanted to make the room more festive, so a few bought a garden arch and festooned it with shiny fabric, Christmas lights, and plastic flowers. While a little unsteady at first, it was a thing of beauty - an inspiration to commissioners and guests alike. Each Friday, at least one or two couples said something like "Wow! I had no idea it would be so lovely!"
Imagine my shock when I brought my first couple up last week and the arch was gone. While the room was interesting by itself when I started at the Marriage Factory, I'd gotten used to the arch. Without it, the room was, well, dull, like a Christmas tree without ornaments. There's nothing wrong with a pine tree, until it's been a Christmas tree and then isn't one.
The clerks shared my dismay, for they had not been warned about the arch's removal. Why destroy a feature that was obviously a big plus for workers and guests alike, especially something that those same workers had invested time and craft in creating?
The answer came later that day, and was as satisfactory as possible: the existing arches were cleared out to make room for sturdier, nicer arches. One problem with the arches we had before is that they would wobble when children pulled on them, as children bored with a wedding are wont to do. The new ones should render that issue moot.
I took this week off, so I'm hoping the new arches are in place to dazzle me upon my return. They have quite a bit of charm to live up to.
Fashion report
A Tibetan wedding dress like this, a pink skirt with sparkly pink shoes, and a peach chiffon off-the-shoulder dress.
By the numbers (2 weeks)
Ceremonies: 13 (5 & 8)
Formal wear: 10 (3 & 7)
Crowd over 25: 1
13-day-old baby with a knit strawberry hat: 1
Bring Your Friends!
Original post: March 4, 2015
As an amateur social scientist, I theorize that the size of a wedding party in no way correlates to the success of the marriage. My wife & I were married in front of 4 people. My cousin was married in front of almost 100 people. I'm still married. She is not. Kim & Kanye are still together. Scatter-plot that all you want. I bet nothing lines up.
Admittedly, my sample, though voluminous, is skewed. Our wedding room holds only 40 people, and most couples don't even know we have a wedding room. The number of times I've heard, "Oh, this is so nice! We had no idea the room would be so cute!" as we enter testifies to that. Still, enough know or have squadrons of friends to offer at least some anecdotal data as to the effect of a crowd on the wedding itself.
Large groups present a wrangling challenge that the couple-plus-single-witness model does not. Getting all those folks into one elevator (or even several), herding them into the wedding room, getting all cell phones silenced, and making sure the couple stays the focus of attention - it all takes work. The payoff is the eruption of applause when the ceremony concludes and the couple are actually married. That release of energy is captivating.
So bring as many friends as you want! We can pack people in, and there's plenty of seating space. Just make sure your guests have met beforehand, as those benches can get pretty tight.
Fashion report
Today was all about coral: coral shoes and camisole vs. a coral blazer for one couple, and a coral strapless dress with brand new high heels (we lent a pair of scissors to cut off the tag). The last bride wore a teal blouse with a peplum, and matching teal shoes. Guess it's Southwestern palette day.
By the numbers
Ceremonies: 11
Formal wear: 6
Weddings with more than one official photographer: 1
As an amateur social scientist, I theorize that the size of a wedding party in no way correlates to the success of the marriage. My wife & I were married in front of 4 people. My cousin was married in front of almost 100 people. I'm still married. She is not. Kim & Kanye are still together. Scatter-plot that all you want. I bet nothing lines up.
Admittedly, my sample, though voluminous, is skewed. Our wedding room holds only 40 people, and most couples don't even know we have a wedding room. The number of times I've heard, "Oh, this is so nice! We had no idea the room would be so cute!" as we enter testifies to that. Still, enough know or have squadrons of friends to offer at least some anecdotal data as to the effect of a crowd on the wedding itself.
Large groups present a wrangling challenge that the couple-plus-single-witness model does not. Getting all those folks into one elevator (or even several), herding them into the wedding room, getting all cell phones silenced, and making sure the couple stays the focus of attention - it all takes work. The payoff is the eruption of applause when the ceremony concludes and the couple are actually married. That release of energy is captivating.
So bring as many friends as you want! We can pack people in, and there's plenty of seating space. Just make sure your guests have met beforehand, as those benches can get pretty tight.
Fashion report
Today was all about coral: coral shoes and camisole vs. a coral blazer for one couple, and a coral strapless dress with brand new high heels (we lent a pair of scissors to cut off the tag). The last bride wore a teal blouse with a peplum, and matching teal shoes. Guess it's Southwestern palette day.
By the numbers
Ceremonies: 11
Formal wear: 6
Weddings with more than one official photographer: 1
Never Work With Children Or Animals
Original post: February 23, 2015
Children at weddings are always a risk. I've written before about how variable their behavior is. No child under the age of 7 will be interested in a wedding for more than 3 minutes. There's nothing to capture the attention - just grown-ups talking a lot, including a strange one who might be in a robe. The happiness of their parents/relatives/relative's friends carries no weight.
If you do want a child present at your wedding, bring something to distract him. Infants are sometimes not aware enough to fuss more than a few minutes. iPads and handheld video games usually do the trick for the over-5 set. The sour spot between those two generates the most tantrums, bench-climbing, and room-wandering. The latter two are the most distracting for the adults, especially the officiant. A child tearing down a window blind or falling on a hard wood bench and cracking his skull open is not the happy wedding-day memory most couples want to keep, so have someone in tow to wrangle the little ones.
Sometimes, even the fussiest baby gets a pass. This week, a couple brought in their toddler, who fussed for the entire ceremony, so I just spoke louder (inadvertently learning that the wedding room has a great natural echo). The couple were good-natured and apologetic, but that's not why I couldn't be cross. The boy was dressed to the nines in black trousers, a white shirt, and suspenders. Baby suspenders! Who knew such a thing existed? I was so delighted by the way they'd dressed him - like a 1920s newspaperman at work - that I couldn't be cross. Let that be a lesson. Always dress for the job you want, even if you're pre-verbal.
Fashion report
Beautiful green dress with a matching (but not samey) emerald necklace and earrings, a midnight blue dress with a silver neck piece - not a necklace, more Cleopatra-like in shape and sparkly copper/silver heels, another silver lace dress - that seems like it would be a dark look for midday, but some people can pull it off.
By the numbers
Ceremonies: 10
Formal wear: 6
Formal wear, toddler class: 1
Adorable couple over 70: 1
Children at weddings are always a risk. I've written before about how variable their behavior is. No child under the age of 7 will be interested in a wedding for more than 3 minutes. There's nothing to capture the attention - just grown-ups talking a lot, including a strange one who might be in a robe. The happiness of their parents/relatives/relative's friends carries no weight.
If you do want a child present at your wedding, bring something to distract him. Infants are sometimes not aware enough to fuss more than a few minutes. iPads and handheld video games usually do the trick for the over-5 set. The sour spot between those two generates the most tantrums, bench-climbing, and room-wandering. The latter two are the most distracting for the adults, especially the officiant. A child tearing down a window blind or falling on a hard wood bench and cracking his skull open is not the happy wedding-day memory most couples want to keep, so have someone in tow to wrangle the little ones.
Sometimes, even the fussiest baby gets a pass. This week, a couple brought in their toddler, who fussed for the entire ceremony, so I just spoke louder (inadvertently learning that the wedding room has a great natural echo). The couple were good-natured and apologetic, but that's not why I couldn't be cross. The boy was dressed to the nines in black trousers, a white shirt, and suspenders. Baby suspenders! Who knew such a thing existed? I was so delighted by the way they'd dressed him - like a 1920s newspaperman at work - that I couldn't be cross. Let that be a lesson. Always dress for the job you want, even if you're pre-verbal.
Fashion report
Beautiful green dress with a matching (but not samey) emerald necklace and earrings, a midnight blue dress with a silver neck piece - not a necklace, more Cleopatra-like in shape and sparkly copper/silver heels, another silver lace dress - that seems like it would be a dark look for midday, but some people can pull it off.
By the numbers
Ceremonies: 10
Formal wear: 6
Formal wear, toddler class: 1
Adorable couple over 70: 1
Día De San Valentín
Original post: February 18, 2015
Valentine's Day is a busy day for weddings at the Marriage Factory, as you might imagine. It's not a madhouse, like 8/8/08 or 11/11/11, but a lot of folks put a lot of stock in calendar-based romance. So many did this year that the Hall of Records opened on a Saturday just to marry those romantic souls, even taking appointments.
When a couple gets married at the Hall of Records, they can choose to have the ceremony in one of several non-English languages, Cantonese, Mandarin, Vietnamese, and Spanish among them. Four years of high school Spanish classes, and a little help from a couple of fluent friends, qualify me as a bilingual marriage commissioner. I can conduct weddings en Español. The English to Spanish ratio on an average Friday is 4:1, mas o menos.
There were 5 commissioners on hand Saturday, more than enough to handle the traffic. Since I was the only Spanish speaker, I got all the Spanish-language weddings. That kept me very busy. The groups ranged from 3-person walk-ins to full houses chanting "Beso! Beso!" when the ceremony was finished.
One challenge with Spanish weddings is that I know the ceremony very well, but I'm not good at free-style conversation. I can say "Please silence your phones." or "Do you have rings?" but trouble arises with something complicated like "You have to go downstairs and ask the clerk for your legal certificate, which might take 10-15 minutes before it's ready." Luckily, at least one person in every group spoke or understood enough English that I could communicate the next steps after the ceremony, and I struggled my way through it a couple times in Spanish, just for good measure.
We opened at 9 and got everyone done by 2, which was a credit mostly to the wonderful clerks who got folks registered, including a bunch of walk-ins, fixed typos, and made sure licenses got recorded properly. They even got us donuts and pizza!
Fashion report
Lots of beautiful dresses and suits, of course. Why get married on Valentine's Day if you're not going to do it right?
By the numbers
Total ceremonies: 40
Ceremonies conducted by me: 15
Spanish ceremonies: 14
Formal wear: 12
Donuts eaten: 2
Valentine's Day is a busy day for weddings at the Marriage Factory, as you might imagine. It's not a madhouse, like 8/8/08 or 11/11/11, but a lot of folks put a lot of stock in calendar-based romance. So many did this year that the Hall of Records opened on a Saturday just to marry those romantic souls, even taking appointments.
When a couple gets married at the Hall of Records, they can choose to have the ceremony in one of several non-English languages, Cantonese, Mandarin, Vietnamese, and Spanish among them. Four years of high school Spanish classes, and a little help from a couple of fluent friends, qualify me as a bilingual marriage commissioner. I can conduct weddings en Español. The English to Spanish ratio on an average Friday is 4:1, mas o menos.
There were 5 commissioners on hand Saturday, more than enough to handle the traffic. Since I was the only Spanish speaker, I got all the Spanish-language weddings. That kept me very busy. The groups ranged from 3-person walk-ins to full houses chanting "Beso! Beso!" when the ceremony was finished.
One challenge with Spanish weddings is that I know the ceremony very well, but I'm not good at free-style conversation. I can say "Please silence your phones." or "Do you have rings?" but trouble arises with something complicated like "You have to go downstairs and ask the clerk for your legal certificate, which might take 10-15 minutes before it's ready." Luckily, at least one person in every group spoke or understood enough English that I could communicate the next steps after the ceremony, and I struggled my way through it a couple times in Spanish, just for good measure.
We opened at 9 and got everyone done by 2, which was a credit mostly to the wonderful clerks who got folks registered, including a bunch of walk-ins, fixed typos, and made sure licenses got recorded properly. They even got us donuts and pizza!
Fashion report
Lots of beautiful dresses and suits, of course. Why get married on Valentine's Day if you're not going to do it right?
By the numbers
Total ceremonies: 40
Ceremonies conducted by me: 15
Spanish ceremonies: 14
Formal wear: 12
Donuts eaten: 2
You Live Where Now?
Original post: February 14, 2015
When I get a license at the Marriage Factory, I scan it for age, county (non-Alameda county weddings require a little more processing and explanation), and names, so when I call out to the masses in the lobby, I have a rough idea of where to aim. A Chinese couple in their 20s are unlikely to be the 3 elderly Hispanic gentlemen sitting together.
I rarely look at the other information until the ceremony is underway, and mostly just as a point of conversation. "Oh, you were born in Michigan. My wife grew up there." The address is usually the least interesting thing about a couple, although if it's the same for both participants, at least they know each other well.
Imagine my shock when I glanced at a license and saw my own address. Not my current address, mind you. That would be a little too baffling. No, this soon-to-be-wed duo live in the house my father bought in the late '80s when he first moved to California. When I headed west to start my new life here, I stayed with him for a year, and then in that house for 2 more years while he headed back east.
I've never been back to the house since leaving it to pursue employment and stability. It was a nice house then and I'm sure it's even better now, especially with the real estate values in the Bay Area. The couple were very kind in talking with me about the house after I performed their wedding, not at all unnerved as I asked questions about the wall color and carpeting. Then they went on their way, back to the place I used to live.
Fashion report
A groom in Crocs and a bowling shirt with train illustrations, a groom who took off his hoodie for the ceremony, and...well, that should be enough
By the numbers
Ceremonies: 10
Formal wear: 5
Couples who live in a house I used to live in: 1
When I get a license at the Marriage Factory, I scan it for age, county (non-Alameda county weddings require a little more processing and explanation), and names, so when I call out to the masses in the lobby, I have a rough idea of where to aim. A Chinese couple in their 20s are unlikely to be the 3 elderly Hispanic gentlemen sitting together.
I rarely look at the other information until the ceremony is underway, and mostly just as a point of conversation. "Oh, you were born in Michigan. My wife grew up there." The address is usually the least interesting thing about a couple, although if it's the same for both participants, at least they know each other well.
Imagine my shock when I glanced at a license and saw my own address. Not my current address, mind you. That would be a little too baffling. No, this soon-to-be-wed duo live in the house my father bought in the late '80s when he first moved to California. When I headed west to start my new life here, I stayed with him for a year, and then in that house for 2 more years while he headed back east.
I've never been back to the house since leaving it to pursue employment and stability. It was a nice house then and I'm sure it's even better now, especially with the real estate values in the Bay Area. The couple were very kind in talking with me about the house after I performed their wedding, not at all unnerved as I asked questions about the wall color and carpeting. Then they went on their way, back to the place I used to live.
Fashion report
A groom in Crocs and a bowling shirt with train illustrations, a groom who took off his hoodie for the ceremony, and...well, that should be enough
By the numbers
Ceremonies: 10
Formal wear: 5
Couples who live in a house I used to live in: 1
A Rose By Any Other Name
Original post: February 6, 2015
The wedding bouquet has its origins in ancient times, to ward off either evil spirits or the smell of plague. It wasn't until the 19th century that flowers supplanted herbs and leaves. Nowadays, at least at the Marriage Factory, the bouquet serves mainly to get in the way of the couple holding hands and to block the photographers from capturing the moment the bride puts a ring on the groom's finger.
Bouquets take many forms: store-bought amalgams of mums, blossoms and baby's-breath; neatly shorn roses in red, white, pink, or coral; rubber-banded sunflowers with blooms the size of a baby's head. Doesn't matter - they're all difficult to wrangle when the time comes for the vows and the handholding. Still, some brides seem utterly stricken when it comes time to set aside the flowers. I never demand one way or the other. I just wonder how many pictures there are of a bouquet covering the groom's hand as his soon-to-be-wife slides an invisible ring on him.
Fashion report
A beautiful ecru dress matching a traditional Filipino embroidered shirt in the same color, with a flowered headband in the same palette
By the numbers
Ceremonies: 9
Formal wear: 4
Ceremony where the children outnumbered the adults: 1, although the kids were well-behaved
The wedding bouquet has its origins in ancient times, to ward off either evil spirits or the smell of plague. It wasn't until the 19th century that flowers supplanted herbs and leaves. Nowadays, at least at the Marriage Factory, the bouquet serves mainly to get in the way of the couple holding hands and to block the photographers from capturing the moment the bride puts a ring on the groom's finger.
Bouquets take many forms: store-bought amalgams of mums, blossoms and baby's-breath; neatly shorn roses in red, white, pink, or coral; rubber-banded sunflowers with blooms the size of a baby's head. Doesn't matter - they're all difficult to wrangle when the time comes for the vows and the handholding. Still, some brides seem utterly stricken when it comes time to set aside the flowers. I never demand one way or the other. I just wonder how many pictures there are of a bouquet covering the groom's hand as his soon-to-be-wife slides an invisible ring on him.
Fashion report
A beautiful ecru dress matching a traditional Filipino embroidered shirt in the same color, with a flowered headband in the same palette
By the numbers
Ceremonies: 9
Formal wear: 4
Ceremony where the children outnumbered the adults: 1, although the kids were well-behaved
Hoppin' New Year!
Original post: January 6, 2015
New Year's Eve at the Marriage Factory was surprisingly tame in the wake of Monday and Tuesday's 30 weddings apiece . Imagine my surprise when Friday was busier than ever! My average is 8-10 weddings; this week, I did 16.
The largest group was about 35 people - 2 elevators' worth. Once they arrived, everything went fine, although the groom went with "I will be true to you as long as I will", not "as long as I live". Usually when the bride catches that, she is not happy.
There were 2 or 3 nervous brides. One swiveled back and forth during the vows, making me almost say "Grow gently with each other and do the twist" instead of "encourage each other".
Fashion report
Lots of well-dressed folks this time around. Vests, coats, and beautiful dresses abounded. A few were even color-coordinated. There was a groom in the top half of a suit whose bride was wearing what looked like the suit trousers. Per the title of Miss Janet's blog, let's not speculate about what that means.
By the numbers
Ceremonies: 16
Formal wear (suit/dress): 6
Recruited witness from other couple in lobby: 1 (3 counting New Year's Eve)
Crowd larger than 30: 1
"As long as I will": 1
New Year's Eve at the Marriage Factory was surprisingly tame in the wake of Monday and Tuesday's 30 weddings apiece . Imagine my surprise when Friday was busier than ever! My average is 8-10 weddings; this week, I did 16.
The largest group was about 35 people - 2 elevators' worth. Once they arrived, everything went fine, although the groom went with "I will be true to you as long as I will", not "as long as I live". Usually when the bride catches that, she is not happy.
There were 2 or 3 nervous brides. One swiveled back and forth during the vows, making me almost say "Grow gently with each other and do the twist" instead of "encourage each other".
Fashion report
Lots of well-dressed folks this time around. Vests, coats, and beautiful dresses abounded. A few were even color-coordinated. There was a groom in the top half of a suit whose bride was wearing what looked like the suit trousers. Per the title of Miss Janet's blog, let's not speculate about what that means.
By the numbers
Ceremonies: 16
Formal wear (suit/dress): 6
Recruited witness from other couple in lobby: 1 (3 counting New Year's Eve)
Crowd larger than 30: 1
"As long as I will": 1
The Marriage Factory In 2014
Original post: January 2, 2015
Weddings. People keep having them. Here's a couple who got married at the Rose Bowl. Business at the Marriage Factory continues apace. I usually do 8-12 weddings each Friday morning. This year, I even subbed on Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve. Christmas Eve was busy, New Year's Eve not so much.
This week, I did a pair of double weddings, where groom #1 was the witness for couple #2. More people than you think get married on the spur of the moment, finding a witness among the similarly inclined or the kindly romantic. Our no-appointment-needed policy is very attractive to those with a yen to take care of everything at once, mitigated only by the need to feed a meter until their turn comes. Every once in a while, that is a gating factor, at least until a last-minute scramble sets things right.
Witnesses number from 0 to "Please, if you can't find a seat, stand quietly." Children are quiet or excited or bored or screaming or some combination thereof. Tears and laughter, mostly from the bride, sometimes from the groom, often from the crowd. Every once in a while, a sigh of relief from a parent, sibling or even a child, glad her folks finally made it official.
Fashion report
There have been a number of lovely outfits since I last wrote. Wednesday, a patterned blue shawl blouse with fringe, followed by a white macrame-style knit dress. Each groom matched his bride, midnight blue bowling-shirt cut for one, cream linen suit for the other.
I've seen long, flowing gowns and simple but elegant sundresses; modest heels, thigh-high lace-up boots, and pink bedazzled flip-flops; sweeping up-dos, long flowing locks, shaved heads, and even a veil or two.
Weddings. People keep having them. Here's a couple who got married at the Rose Bowl. Business at the Marriage Factory continues apace. I usually do 8-12 weddings each Friday morning. This year, I even subbed on Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve. Christmas Eve was busy, New Year's Eve not so much.
This week, I did a pair of double weddings, where groom #1 was the witness for couple #2. More people than you think get married on the spur of the moment, finding a witness among the similarly inclined or the kindly romantic. Our no-appointment-needed policy is very attractive to those with a yen to take care of everything at once, mitigated only by the need to feed a meter until their turn comes. Every once in a while, that is a gating factor, at least until a last-minute scramble sets things right.
Witnesses number from 0 to "Please, if you can't find a seat, stand quietly." Children are quiet or excited or bored or screaming or some combination thereof. Tears and laughter, mostly from the bride, sometimes from the groom, often from the crowd. Every once in a while, a sigh of relief from a parent, sibling or even a child, glad her folks finally made it official.
Fashion report
There have been a number of lovely outfits since I last wrote. Wednesday, a patterned blue shawl blouse with fringe, followed by a white macrame-style knit dress. Each groom matched his bride, midnight blue bowling-shirt cut for one, cream linen suit for the other.
I've seen long, flowing gowns and simple but elegant sundresses; modest heels, thigh-high lace-up boots, and pink bedazzled flip-flops; sweeping up-dos, long flowing locks, shaved heads, and even a veil or two.
Why I Wear A Bow Tie
Original post: October 31, 2014
The Supreme Court recently declined to hear protests against the overturning of several same-sex marriage bans, instantly legalizing same-sex marriage in enough places that over half the US population could be guests at a same-sex marriage in their home states. Well, Miss Janet was into marrying those couples long before it was popular everywhere.
I started at the Marriage Factory at her behest the day same-sex marriage was legalized in California - in 2008. My first wedding joined a pair of women. Proposition 8 was heavy blow to me. I took it very personally, despite being in no way personally affected. The wait for that same court's Prop 8 & DOMA rulings last year was long.
While waiting for all that hash to get settled, Jesse Tyler Ferguson of Modern Family started a website called Tie the Knot (tietheknot.org) that offers stylish bow ties through The Tie Bar (thetiebar.com), with most of the proceeds going to marriage equality organizations.
I dress rather formally when I go to the Marriage Factory. If I dressed the way I do to go to work, couples would be getting married by a guy in a polo shirt & jeans - hardly "most important day"-worthy. My wife thought I'd look good sporting one of the aforementioned bow ties, and bought one for me last year, before the court's decision. I wore it the first day I married same-sex couples, and for weeks after. After a while, I surrendered to routine and stopped wearing the tie. It's hard to tie one well, and not every shirt looks good with a bow tie.
Earlier this month, she bought me the George Takei tie. George is not only Lieutenant Sulu, he is a gay rights icon. I think it looks more like Eddie Van Halen's guitar from the "Jump" video than anything to do with Star Trek, but I wear it with pride. Pride in a job well done.
Ready to perform a marriage ceremony
The Supreme Court recently declined to hear protests against the overturning of several same-sex marriage bans, instantly legalizing same-sex marriage in enough places that over half the US population could be guests at a same-sex marriage in their home states. Well, Miss Janet was into marrying those couples long before it was popular everywhere.
I started at the Marriage Factory at her behest the day same-sex marriage was legalized in California - in 2008. My first wedding joined a pair of women. Proposition 8 was heavy blow to me. I took it very personally, despite being in no way personally affected. The wait for that same court's Prop 8 & DOMA rulings last year was long.
While waiting for all that hash to get settled, Jesse Tyler Ferguson of Modern Family started a website called Tie the Knot (tietheknot.org) that offers stylish bow ties through The Tie Bar (thetiebar.com), with most of the proceeds going to marriage equality organizations.
I dress rather formally when I go to the Marriage Factory. If I dressed the way I do to go to work, couples would be getting married by a guy in a polo shirt & jeans - hardly "most important day"-worthy. My wife thought I'd look good sporting one of the aforementioned bow ties, and bought one for me last year, before the court's decision. I wore it the first day I married same-sex couples, and for weeks after. After a while, I surrendered to routine and stopped wearing the tie. It's hard to tie one well, and not every shirt looks good with a bow tie.
Earlier this month, she bought me the George Takei tie. George is not only Lieutenant Sulu, he is a gay rights icon. I think it looks more like Eddie Van Halen's guitar from the "Jump" video than anything to do with Star Trek, but I wear it with pride. Pride in a job well done.
Standing by for the next couple to marry
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
The Name's The Same
Original post date: October 27, 2014
Some names are very common at the Marriage Factory. John, Joe, and Mary, and their Spanish counterparts, certainly. Last week, though, I had 3 grooms, 2 in back-to-back ceremonies, with the same first name - one that wasn't a common first name. It's the first time I remember that happening with this particular name. I'll need to keep an eye out for similar occurrences.
Note to couples posing for pictures before the ceremony:
You can take a few, then let's get down to business. When I'm being moved out of the way so the photographer can get several poses from different angles, it's time to get going. I know you wore your best clothes and look as good as possible, but let's do the whole "reason you're here in the first place" part. You'll have plenty of time for pictures once you've actually been joined.
Technology is not for everyone, but when it works, it's very impressive. One member of a couple was struggling to get FaceTime working on his phone and his parents' phone so they could be present at the ceremony. I gave them a couple chances, and then recommended we have the wedding and he could talk with them afterwards. As I began, they rang him to say they'd finally gotten it working. A couple minutes later, there they were! We started from the beginning, and all went well. When we'd wrapped up things, he told me they were joining us from Israel! Whew! I'm glad they got everything working, as I'd hate to come between a nice Jewish boy and his mama on his wedding day.
Fashion report
Some names are very common at the Marriage Factory. John, Joe, and Mary, and their Spanish counterparts, certainly. Last week, though, I had 3 grooms, 2 in back-to-back ceremonies, with the same first name - one that wasn't a common first name. It's the first time I remember that happening with this particular name. I'll need to keep an eye out for similar occurrences.
Note to couples posing for pictures before the ceremony:
You can take a few, then let's get down to business. When I'm being moved out of the way so the photographer can get several poses from different angles, it's time to get going. I know you wore your best clothes and look as good as possible, but let's do the whole "reason you're here in the first place" part. You'll have plenty of time for pictures once you've actually been joined.
Technology is not for everyone, but when it works, it's very impressive. One member of a couple was struggling to get FaceTime working on his phone and his parents' phone so they could be present at the ceremony. I gave them a couple chances, and then recommended we have the wedding and he could talk with them afterwards. As I began, they rang him to say they'd finally gotten it working. A couple minutes later, there they were! We started from the beginning, and all went well. When we'd wrapped up things, he told me they were joining us from Israel! Whew! I'm glad they got everything working, as I'd hate to come between a nice Jewish boy and his mama on his wedding day.
Fashion report
- The bride in a beautiful blue shift with gold patterns - she was glad she "made it through without crying".
- The couple who both wore suits - hers was a gorgeous white pantsuit like Bianca Jagger's Yves Saint Laurent from 1971.
- The granddad who wore a Giants cap - go orange & black!
Tears & Kisses
Original post date: October 18, 2014
Some tales of tears and kissing:
The bride & groom have a Spanish wedding. Both speak English but the family doesn't, including the bride's father. The ceremony is lovely, and the couple are very happy. Dad is also happy. He is an older man, dressed in traditional western gear, and tears are running down his face. His daughter explains that he is thrilled to see her married.
My next couple are women. They also cry, very happy to finally be married, even though they are younger than me. They were also very passionate. I've seen many post-wedding kisses before, ranging from a dry peck on the cheek to the borderline pornographic. These ladies - they knew how to kiss. Quite beautiful.
I married several same-sex couples that week. None were matchy-matchy. Better luck to me next time.
Some tales of tears and kissing:
The bride & groom have a Spanish wedding. Both speak English but the family doesn't, including the bride's father. The ceremony is lovely, and the couple are very happy. Dad is also happy. He is an older man, dressed in traditional western gear, and tears are running down his face. His daughter explains that he is thrilled to see her married.
My next couple are women. They also cry, very happy to finally be married, even though they are younger than me. They were also very passionate. I've seen many post-wedding kisses before, ranging from a dry peck on the cheek to the borderline pornographic. These ladies - they knew how to kiss. Quite beautiful.
I married several same-sex couples that week. None were matchy-matchy. Better luck to me next time.
A Runner's Job Is Never Done
Original post date: October 3, 2014
Miss Janet has often referred to the Hall of Records as the Marriage Factory - hence, the title of this blog. That's mostly a joke about the way you enter as two people and exit joined as one couple. Sometimes, though, the analogy is closer than might seem appropriate. A couple weeks ago, I got to the Hall shortly before 9AM on Friday and there was a couple waiting to be married. From that time until I left at 12:30, the desk was never free of licenses.
The clerks and I asked each other: why today? There didn't seem to be a numerological reason, no 8/8/08 or 11/12/13. It was busy because it was busy. By 10:30, it was time to engage a runner.
When an officiant finishes a wedding, it can take 10-15 minutes to get the next wedding ready: leave the wedding room, wait for an elevator, run to the desk, grab and examine the next license, call and assemble the entire wedding party, wait for another elevator, and get the party into the wedding room.
A runner is a staff member who gathers the paperwork and the wedding party and brings them upstairs to the wedding room. A good runner can do all that while another wedding is happening, saving enough time to squeeze in an extra ceremony per hour.
From 10:30 to 12:30, my runner was bringing up a new couple + guests every 7-10 minutes. I'd finish a ceremony and meet the couple in the waiting room. They reviewed the license while the previous couple waited for their certificate and took pictures. Once the new couple were ready, on we went with the wedding. Repeat as necessary. When the dust settled, we'd done 20 ceremonies in 3 1/2 hours.
Noted among them:
Not 1, not 2, but 3 male same-sex couples who dressed alike (or at least very similarly) to get married. In 2 of the cases, the only way to tell the outfits apart was by the tie. That kind of synchronization is very unusual in other weddings. Sure, there's color co-ordination - the groom's pocket square matches the bride's slip color - but the twinsies look seems exclusive to the male-male couples.
After a particularly joyous opposite-sex wedding, the guests formed a prayer circle. Though I am not permitted to join any form of worship, the worship itself is certainly allowed. This one was serious, with praising and "Amen"s bouncing off the walls. There was also talk of the wife's duty to surrender to her husband, as adherents surrender to the church. Not how I feel, but the couple seemed fine with it. I hope their faith and joy last throughout their marriage, although I wouldn't press too hard on the "obey" part if I were him.
Miss Janet has often referred to the Hall of Records as the Marriage Factory - hence, the title of this blog. That's mostly a joke about the way you enter as two people and exit joined as one couple. Sometimes, though, the analogy is closer than might seem appropriate. A couple weeks ago, I got to the Hall shortly before 9AM on Friday and there was a couple waiting to be married. From that time until I left at 12:30, the desk was never free of licenses.
The clerks and I asked each other: why today? There didn't seem to be a numerological reason, no 8/8/08 or 11/12/13. It was busy because it was busy. By 10:30, it was time to engage a runner.
When an officiant finishes a wedding, it can take 10-15 minutes to get the next wedding ready: leave the wedding room, wait for an elevator, run to the desk, grab and examine the next license, call and assemble the entire wedding party, wait for another elevator, and get the party into the wedding room.
A runner is a staff member who gathers the paperwork and the wedding party and brings them upstairs to the wedding room. A good runner can do all that while another wedding is happening, saving enough time to squeeze in an extra ceremony per hour.
From 10:30 to 12:30, my runner was bringing up a new couple + guests every 7-10 minutes. I'd finish a ceremony and meet the couple in the waiting room. They reviewed the license while the previous couple waited for their certificate and took pictures. Once the new couple were ready, on we went with the wedding. Repeat as necessary. When the dust settled, we'd done 20 ceremonies in 3 1/2 hours.
Noted among them:
Not 1, not 2, but 3 male same-sex couples who dressed alike (or at least very similarly) to get married. In 2 of the cases, the only way to tell the outfits apart was by the tie. That kind of synchronization is very unusual in other weddings. Sure, there's color co-ordination - the groom's pocket square matches the bride's slip color - but the twinsies look seems exclusive to the male-male couples.
After a particularly joyous opposite-sex wedding, the guests formed a prayer circle. Though I am not permitted to join any form of worship, the worship itself is certainly allowed. This one was serious, with praising and "Amen"s bouncing off the walls. There was also talk of the wife's duty to surrender to her husband, as adherents surrender to the church. Not how I feel, but the couple seemed fine with it. I hope their faith and joy last throughout their marriage, although I wouldn't press too hard on the "obey" part if I were him.
I'm No Dummy
Original post date: July 31, 2014
Weddings are a time for joy and laughter, but not all laughter is created equal. Some jokes are funnier than others, even when the humor is unintended. A recent groom was bald, save for what appeared at first glance to be an unsightly pink rash. One look at his wife's lips and a second glance at his head revealed the "rash" to be a perfect set of lip-prints, earned no doubt during preparations for the final part of the ceremony.
I've never been a fan of ventriloquism. It's a skill, certainly, but not one whose practice I find amusing. Imagine my reaction then as I returned from performing a wedding to see someone in the lobby dressed up nicely and balancing a dummy on his knee. The dummy had a plastic head with painted-on red hair, looking like a creepy toddler. I hoped against hope that the gentleman in question was not a groom who would want the dummy to recite his vows.
As luck would have it, he was a witness for a couple who, it seemed, found his interest quirky and charming and not distracting or attention-hogging. I called the couple's names and the party came forward, the witness with the dummy cradled in his arm. I was steadfast in my resolve; I would not engage it at all - not talk to it or even acknowledge its presence. A cry for attention requires an ear. That ear would not be mine.
The wedding went smoothly, with no contributions from any inanimate objects.
When a ceremony is complete, the witnesses must sign the license. Miss Janet's mentioned plenty of signature shenanigans - misspelled names, misplaced signatures, leaky pens - and I've had my share. Never before have I had a witness turn to the babylike toy in his arms and say "Why don't you hold this for me while I sign?", and then place a tiny plastic hand on the top of the certificate to secure it while he signed.
When I dropped off the finished paperwork with the couple, the dummy was in a carrying bag. Thus ever so, as far as I'm concerned.
Weddings are a time for joy and laughter, but not all laughter is created equal. Some jokes are funnier than others, even when the humor is unintended. A recent groom was bald, save for what appeared at first glance to be an unsightly pink rash. One look at his wife's lips and a second glance at his head revealed the "rash" to be a perfect set of lip-prints, earned no doubt during preparations for the final part of the ceremony.
I've never been a fan of ventriloquism. It's a skill, certainly, but not one whose practice I find amusing. Imagine my reaction then as I returned from performing a wedding to see someone in the lobby dressed up nicely and balancing a dummy on his knee. The dummy had a plastic head with painted-on red hair, looking like a creepy toddler. I hoped against hope that the gentleman in question was not a groom who would want the dummy to recite his vows.
As luck would have it, he was a witness for a couple who, it seemed, found his interest quirky and charming and not distracting or attention-hogging. I called the couple's names and the party came forward, the witness with the dummy cradled in his arm. I was steadfast in my resolve; I would not engage it at all - not talk to it or even acknowledge its presence. A cry for attention requires an ear. That ear would not be mine.
The wedding went smoothly, with no contributions from any inanimate objects.
When a ceremony is complete, the witnesses must sign the license. Miss Janet's mentioned plenty of signature shenanigans - misspelled names, misplaced signatures, leaky pens - and I've had my share. Never before have I had a witness turn to the babylike toy in his arms and say "Why don't you hold this for me while I sign?", and then place a tiny plastic hand on the top of the certificate to secure it while he signed.
When I dropped off the finished paperwork with the couple, the dummy was in a carrying bag. Thus ever so, as far as I'm concerned.
Fashionable Grooms
Original post date: October 19, 2013
Another busy day at the factory. In my last post, I advocated legalizing same-sex marriage for the tourist windfall. There's another reason: male same-sex couples have good-looking weddings, no matter their age. The older couple I married early in the day had found the same monogrammed shirt in different sizes, and were wearing the same colored trousers and shoes, topped off with matching boutonnieres. Casual, but stylish.
I had to wait until my shift was almost over for the best-dressed wedding. The entire party were in black and white. Two men and a bunch of female guests, all in clever variations on the same theme. It was clear that a guiding intelligence had put the party together. One of the women wore a white lace dress. I thought she was the bride until the gentlemen in vests, one with a standard tie and one a bow tie, stepped forward. While the ceremony was nice, the fashion show was better.
There was competition: a lovely purple wrap dress, a knee-length white brocade, and a full-length standard bridal gown. The latter was in my last wedding of the day, which was also the largest. The wedding room was full, all the benches packed. The crowd urged the bride and groom through their vows, and when they were pronounced husband and wife, the place erupted. I hope their marriage is as happy as their guests were.
Another busy day at the factory. In my last post, I advocated legalizing same-sex marriage for the tourist windfall. There's another reason: male same-sex couples have good-looking weddings, no matter their age. The older couple I married early in the day had found the same monogrammed shirt in different sizes, and were wearing the same colored trousers and shoes, topped off with matching boutonnieres. Casual, but stylish.
I had to wait until my shift was almost over for the best-dressed wedding. The entire party were in black and white. Two men and a bunch of female guests, all in clever variations on the same theme. It was clear that a guiding intelligence had put the party together. One of the women wore a white lace dress. I thought she was the bride until the gentlemen in vests, one with a standard tie and one a bow tie, stepped forward. While the ceremony was nice, the fashion show was better.
There was competition: a lovely purple wrap dress, a knee-length white brocade, and a full-length standard bridal gown. The latter was in my last wedding of the day, which was also the largest. The wedding room was full, all the benches packed. The crowd urged the bride and groom through their vows, and when they were pronounced husband and wife, the place erupted. I hope their marriage is as happy as their guests were.
Weddings & TV
Original post date: October 13, 2013
I watch a lot of television. A LOT of television.
My tastes run toward single-camera comedies on NBC, live sports, and the odd crime drama, like BONES or THE BLACKLIST. I don't watch reality TV, not even competition shows. Luckily, my encounter with a contestant from one such show was very sweet. She and her intended were on vacation in California and decided to make a wedding of it. She was not at all upset that I didn't recognize her. I hope she has all the success in the world.
They were not the only pair from out of town. I had couples from Utah, Colorado, and Texas. All those tourist dollars floating into California, just because we let people marry each other. You'd think in troubled economic times, most states would be smart enough to recognize that source of revenue. If not, hey, more for us. Plus we've got the Wine Country for honeymooning. It's hard to beat that.
The cutest wedding of the day was a color-coordinated one: bride & groom in red, black, gray, and white. The ring bearers were three children between 5 and 8, all in ties, pinstripe waistcoats, and trousers. They matched perfectly, like a set of formally-dressed nesting dolls. Rarely do I feel underdressed in my officiant's robe.
I was also lucky enough to marry a couple whose store I patronize. It's great to join together two people who've formed both a life and a thriving business, especially since I could probably get a discount now.
Comment from my wife Sue:
I have it on good authority that Joe has seen almost every single episode of WHAT NOT TO WEAR, which is a reality show. There are definitely a few he's watched in the past but given up on, like THE AMAZING RACE and DANCING WITH THE STARS. Just trying to set the record straight ;)
I watch a lot of television. A LOT of television.
My tastes run toward single-camera comedies on NBC, live sports, and the odd crime drama, like BONES or THE BLACKLIST. I don't watch reality TV, not even competition shows. Luckily, my encounter with a contestant from one such show was very sweet. She and her intended were on vacation in California and decided to make a wedding of it. She was not at all upset that I didn't recognize her. I hope she has all the success in the world.
They were not the only pair from out of town. I had couples from Utah, Colorado, and Texas. All those tourist dollars floating into California, just because we let people marry each other. You'd think in troubled economic times, most states would be smart enough to recognize that source of revenue. If not, hey, more for us. Plus we've got the Wine Country for honeymooning. It's hard to beat that.
The cutest wedding of the day was a color-coordinated one: bride & groom in red, black, gray, and white. The ring bearers were three children between 5 and 8, all in ties, pinstripe waistcoats, and trousers. They matched perfectly, like a set of formally-dressed nesting dolls. Rarely do I feel underdressed in my officiant's robe.
I was also lucky enough to marry a couple whose store I patronize. It's great to join together two people who've formed both a life and a thriving business, especially since I could probably get a discount now.
Comment from my wife Sue:
I have it on good authority that Joe has seen almost every single episode of WHAT NOT TO WEAR, which is a reality show. There are definitely a few he's watched in the past but given up on, like THE AMAZING RACE and DANCING WITH THE STARS. Just trying to set the record straight ;)
Some Dudes Marry Other Dudes And My Mom's Cool With That
Original post date: October 6, 2013
Some dudes marry other dudes. Get over it.
So read the T-shirt of one witness for a same-sex male couple. Indeed they do, in California and a growing list of other states and countries. Some chicks marry other chicks, too. And I help them get it done. This week's couples included a double wedding, two pairs of women who'd been together almost 35 years and had all known each other even longer.
When I told my mother I wanted to start doing weddings to help same-sex couples get the same rights I had, she told me that I had confirmed what a good mother she was (just like Miss Janet!). After all, if I cared so much about justice, she must have instilled that in me. She was right.
You can imagine how devastated she was when Proposition 8 passed in 2008. One of the main reasons for my enrollment at the Hall was gone, as was the image of the progressive nature of California. She monitored the frustratingly slow pace of the challenges to both Prop 8 and DOMA. She called me in jubilant voice when the Supreme Court issued its rulings overturning both, so happy about something that didn't directly affect her. That's my mom.
Some dudes marry other dudes. I make sure that happens. 'Cause my mama raised me right.
Some dudes marry other dudes. Get over it.
So read the T-shirt of one witness for a same-sex male couple. Indeed they do, in California and a growing list of other states and countries. Some chicks marry other chicks, too. And I help them get it done. This week's couples included a double wedding, two pairs of women who'd been together almost 35 years and had all known each other even longer.
When I told my mother I wanted to start doing weddings to help same-sex couples get the same rights I had, she told me that I had confirmed what a good mother she was (just like Miss Janet!). After all, if I cared so much about justice, she must have instilled that in me. She was right.
You can imagine how devastated she was when Proposition 8 passed in 2008. One of the main reasons for my enrollment at the Hall was gone, as was the image of the progressive nature of California. She monitored the frustratingly slow pace of the challenges to both Prop 8 and DOMA. She called me in jubilant voice when the Supreme Court issued its rulings overturning both, so happy about something that didn't directly affect her. That's my mom.
Some dudes marry other dudes. I make sure that happens. 'Cause my mama raised me right.
The Big Party
Original post date: October 5, 2013
It's a little unsettling to look into a crowded lobby, see what looks like at least 2 parties, and call a pair of names, only to see everyone in sight move toward you. The guests couldn't have been nicer, even offering each other places on the first ride up. Two stuffed elevators later, the wedding room was full to bursting, and everyone had a camera. The couple finally moved into place, and we had a lovely ceremony. Luckily, the next couple didn't mind waiting a bit as even more pictures were taken.
Later in the day, there was another big crowd, just as happy and just as fotophilic (as opposed to photophilic - responding well to light - not me in the morning!), flashing away before, during, and after the ceremony. The couple had been together for many years, and the guests wanted to capture every moment of the big day.
And a child shall lead them. Or at least watch. For the first time, both of the witnesses (and only guests) for a wedding were children. They were about 8 and 10. The state says that anyone who can sign his name can witness a wedding, so everything was on the up-and-up. The kids were excited about seeing their parents marry after many years together. There were tears and hugs, a few signatures, and off they went for a well-deserved round of ice cream.
It's a little unsettling to look into a crowded lobby, see what looks like at least 2 parties, and call a pair of names, only to see everyone in sight move toward you. The guests couldn't have been nicer, even offering each other places on the first ride up. Two stuffed elevators later, the wedding room was full to bursting, and everyone had a camera. The couple finally moved into place, and we had a lovely ceremony. Luckily, the next couple didn't mind waiting a bit as even more pictures were taken.
Later in the day, there was another big crowd, just as happy and just as fotophilic (as opposed to photophilic - responding well to light - not me in the morning!), flashing away before, during, and after the ceremony. The couple had been together for many years, and the guests wanted to capture every moment of the big day.
And a child shall lead them. Or at least watch. For the first time, both of the witnesses (and only guests) for a wedding were children. They were about 8 and 10. The state says that anyone who can sign his name can witness a wedding, so everything was on the up-and-up. The kids were excited about seeing their parents marry after many years together. There were tears and hugs, a few signatures, and off they went for a well-deserved round of ice cream.
Fashion Collision
Original post date: September 21, 2013
It finally happened. You'd think, with me having married so many couples, that it would've happened several or even many times, perhaps as often as once a month. But no - never before. Not once. There they were in the lobby - my first 2 couples of the day. Both were young, both were opposite-sex pairs - and both brides were wearing the same dress.
To be clear, they weren't both stuffed into the same piece of cloth. Rather, the design of their dresses was identical, from the cream color and strapless bodice to the dark brown applique and asymmetrical tulle knee-length hem. The brides noticed this, and the clerks did, too. Luckily, everyone had a healthy sense of humor and good priorities. Both couples were just happy to be getting married, and each wished the other good luck. So much for the stereotype of catty women.
There were a lot of gowns this week, mostly white or off-white. They ranged from strapless and shiny to lacy and macrame-like. Other standouts include two grooms in gray suits, the first a beautiful steel gray with a purple and white pocket square and glossy patent leather loafers; the second a matte gray with a lavender vest and tie. I went through a dozen couples before my first pair in street clothes.
The most alarming part of a ceremony happened when a keening wail started just as I was about to pronounce a couple legally wed. I thought it odd that someone would be playing a theremin in a government building, but one of the couple had set an alarm to remind her to add money to the parking meter. After the pronouncement, I shooed her away to feed the meter while her new spouse collected the license. They'd already paid the state once that day. No need to do it again.
The most unusual wedding was one in which the couple chanted several mantras before and after the ceremony to welcome their guests and prepare themselves for the ceremony. It was lovely, and would have been even more so had I not been running late for my bus back to work. Ah, worldly concerns!
It finally happened. You'd think, with me having married so many couples, that it would've happened several or even many times, perhaps as often as once a month. But no - never before. Not once. There they were in the lobby - my first 2 couples of the day. Both were young, both were opposite-sex pairs - and both brides were wearing the same dress.
To be clear, they weren't both stuffed into the same piece of cloth. Rather, the design of their dresses was identical, from the cream color and strapless bodice to the dark brown applique and asymmetrical tulle knee-length hem. The brides noticed this, and the clerks did, too. Luckily, everyone had a healthy sense of humor and good priorities. Both couples were just happy to be getting married, and each wished the other good luck. So much for the stereotype of catty women.
There were a lot of gowns this week, mostly white or off-white. They ranged from strapless and shiny to lacy and macrame-like. Other standouts include two grooms in gray suits, the first a beautiful steel gray with a purple and white pocket square and glossy patent leather loafers; the second a matte gray with a lavender vest and tie. I went through a dozen couples before my first pair in street clothes.
The most alarming part of a ceremony happened when a keening wail started just as I was about to pronounce a couple legally wed. I thought it odd that someone would be playing a theremin in a government building, but one of the couple had set an alarm to remind her to add money to the parking meter. After the pronouncement, I shooed her away to feed the meter while her new spouse collected the license. They'd already paid the state once that day. No need to do it again.
The most unusual wedding was one in which the couple chanted several mantras before and after the ceremony to welcome their guests and prepare themselves for the ceremony. It was lovely, and would have been even more so had I not been running late for my bus back to work. Ah, worldly concerns!
What's My Story?
Original post dates: September 15-17, 2013
The alarm rings at 7:30 AM. I do not want to get up. The bed is comfortable and the dog is snoring ever so slightly.
I turn on the bathroom heater and start the shower. 20 minutes later, I am clean and clean-shaven, wearing gray slacks and a button-up shirt. I head downstairs to check email, bring in the local paper, and, if it works with the shirt, grab my bow tie. The dog is usually smart enough to stay in bed.
By 8:15, I am walking to the bus stop, where I buy the Chronicle. If my timing is right, I catch a bus quickly. If not, I may be late. If I'm late, someone else will do my job.
The walk from the bus is about 10 minutes. If I'm early enough, I pick up breakfast - a toasted cheese bagel with butter and orange juice - from the deli around the corner. If not, I'll grab it later, if things slow down.
I walk through the door, greet the clerks, buzz into the back room, and it begins: 4 hours of joining couples in wedded bliss at the Hall of Records in Oakland. I've been marrying couples every Friday morning since June 2008 - more than 2000 pairs. Some Fridays are boring - 3 or 4 couples, with nary an interesting tidbit. Other Fridays are non-stop - 15 couples, and every one's got a story.
How did I get started? Why have I kept going?
My wife is in Miss Janet's book club. Their meetings are grouped in sessions, and each session ends with a potluck supper. I show up for the potluck because Janet usually makes something delicious involving meat.
During the potluck right after the state of California first legalized same-sex marriage, Janet bemoaned the shortage of marriage commissioners to handle the tidal wave of couples newly free to marry, and asked if anyone in the club wanted to join her at the Hall of Records.
I did some acting in college, so I have no problem standing in front of people and talking. My wife and I had been married almost 8 years at that point, and things were (and still are) working out well, so I was (and still am) a big fan of marriage. I had (and still have) gay friends, and the thought of them being denied a basic right was ridiculous. Those seemed like good enough reasons to volunteer.
Anyone who's read this blog probably knows what happened next. All the new folks and the pros gathered, oaths were sworn, vows were hastily copied and distributed. The terror of ruining someone's perfect day gradually gave way to the contagious joy radiating from enfranchised people. I got better at gathering groups onto elevators. I massaged here and poked there and finally constructed the ceremony that said what I wanted to say about marriage: its obligations and its rewards. I set to joining folks in matrimony.
Once the initial surge calmed down, a lot of the volunteers drifted away. I liked the routine and the people, both staff and couples, and my boss was kind enough to bend my work schedule to keep Friday mornings free, so I stayed. That was more than 5 years ago.
Working at the Hall of Records lets me evangelize and proselytize something I believe in firmly - marriage.
As I've mentioned, I am married, and happily so. Marrying my wife has been the smartest decision I've ever made, and I've made some awfully good decisions. Marriage has proved a stabilizing influence on both our lives, and enabled us to weather some rather bad storms. I'm sure Janet would agree that having someone with you who's promised to hang around through thick and thin, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, makes getting through the rough times a little easier.
I am a satisfied customer not just of marriage, but also of the Hall of Records. I marry people in the very room in which I got married, a twist I hadn't expected. The Hall staff are kind people whom I consider friends, and they do their very best to help the soon-to-be-newlyweds. The routine provides a nice grounding and a good end to each work week.
Most couples are at least a little happy they're getting married. Some are so overjoyed that tears and laughter spontaneously erupt - occasionally simultaneously. When you can spend a few hours a week helping people feel that good, and you're not breaking the law to do it, why wouldn't you?
The alarm rings at 7:30 AM. I do not want to get up. The bed is comfortable and the dog is snoring ever so slightly.
I turn on the bathroom heater and start the shower. 20 minutes later, I am clean and clean-shaven, wearing gray slacks and a button-up shirt. I head downstairs to check email, bring in the local paper, and, if it works with the shirt, grab my bow tie. The dog is usually smart enough to stay in bed.
By 8:15, I am walking to the bus stop, where I buy the Chronicle. If my timing is right, I catch a bus quickly. If not, I may be late. If I'm late, someone else will do my job.
The walk from the bus is about 10 minutes. If I'm early enough, I pick up breakfast - a toasted cheese bagel with butter and orange juice - from the deli around the corner. If not, I'll grab it later, if things slow down.
I walk through the door, greet the clerks, buzz into the back room, and it begins: 4 hours of joining couples in wedded bliss at the Hall of Records in Oakland. I've been marrying couples every Friday morning since June 2008 - more than 2000 pairs. Some Fridays are boring - 3 or 4 couples, with nary an interesting tidbit. Other Fridays are non-stop - 15 couples, and every one's got a story.
How did I get started? Why have I kept going?
My wife is in Miss Janet's book club. Their meetings are grouped in sessions, and each session ends with a potluck supper. I show up for the potluck because Janet usually makes something delicious involving meat.
During the potluck right after the state of California first legalized same-sex marriage, Janet bemoaned the shortage of marriage commissioners to handle the tidal wave of couples newly free to marry, and asked if anyone in the club wanted to join her at the Hall of Records.
I did some acting in college, so I have no problem standing in front of people and talking. My wife and I had been married almost 8 years at that point, and things were (and still are) working out well, so I was (and still am) a big fan of marriage. I had (and still have) gay friends, and the thought of them being denied a basic right was ridiculous. Those seemed like good enough reasons to volunteer.
Anyone who's read this blog probably knows what happened next. All the new folks and the pros gathered, oaths were sworn, vows were hastily copied and distributed. The terror of ruining someone's perfect day gradually gave way to the contagious joy radiating from enfranchised people. I got better at gathering groups onto elevators. I massaged here and poked there and finally constructed the ceremony that said what I wanted to say about marriage: its obligations and its rewards. I set to joining folks in matrimony.
Once the initial surge calmed down, a lot of the volunteers drifted away. I liked the routine and the people, both staff and couples, and my boss was kind enough to bend my work schedule to keep Friday mornings free, so I stayed. That was more than 5 years ago.
Working at the Hall of Records lets me evangelize and proselytize something I believe in firmly - marriage.
As I've mentioned, I am married, and happily so. Marrying my wife has been the smartest decision I've ever made, and I've made some awfully good decisions. Marriage has proved a stabilizing influence on both our lives, and enabled us to weather some rather bad storms. I'm sure Janet would agree that having someone with you who's promised to hang around through thick and thin, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, makes getting through the rough times a little easier.
I am a satisfied customer not just of marriage, but also of the Hall of Records. I marry people in the very room in which I got married, a twist I hadn't expected. The Hall staff are kind people whom I consider friends, and they do their very best to help the soon-to-be-newlyweds. The routine provides a nice grounding and a good end to each work week.
Most couples are at least a little happy they're getting married. Some are so overjoyed that tears and laughter spontaneously erupt - occasionally simultaneously. When you can spend a few hours a week helping people feel that good, and you're not breaking the law to do it, why wouldn't you?
Me, ready to go
Le Deluge
Original post date: September 8, 2013
It's been a long time since I've written. A lot has happened. I'll hit the highlights.
The week after same-sex marriage was legalized (or de-de-legalized), the marriage factory was empty. I did maybe 8 ceremonies. The next week, I did 30 in 4 1/2 hours. Le deluge, indeed. The couples were all grateful, and almost all sweet. Standouts include the men who had matching bow ties. I was wearing one as well, purchased for the occasion by my wife from Jessie Tyler Ferguson's marriage-equality-supporting company, tietheknot.org.
After the initial rush (20 ceremonies the next week, 18 the week after that), things calmed down, as I knew they would. The average is 12-15 ceremonies, with the volume picking up toward midday. The summer has been busier, so I wasn't surprised to read that Miss Janet kept busy when she filled in for me.
Last week's couples were almost all dressed for the occasion, from those with one witness to a crew of 20 or more. It wasn't until the end of my shift that I got a t-shirt & jeans couple. Trumping all comers were a group from an African country. Each woman in the crowd wore a different color. They posed for pictures in the lobby, and it looked like a rainbow - so beautiful! I also had two couples with English grooms. That accent! No wonder their spouses fell for them.
This week, there was an early wedding with a problem that pops up every once in a while: the member of the couple who does not speak English. No worries for me if his/her language is Spanish - I do Spanish ceremonies every week. This time, he spoke French. My wife's French is good, but mine is non-existent. As usually happens in these cases, there was a witness who was translating most of what is going on. That person cannot translate the vows, however. The groom must agree to the marriage without prompting. The translator is only trying to help, but unfortunately, we must be rude and ask her to stop talking. Luckily in this case, the groom understood enough to tell me that he wanted to marry his bride, and everything else went off without a hitch. I used Google Translate to learn how to ask the necessary question: Voulez vous epouser BRIDE'S NAME? Now I am prepared - unless the couple speaks German. Then I'm out of luck.
It's been a long time since I've written. A lot has happened. I'll hit the highlights.
The week after same-sex marriage was legalized (or de-de-legalized), the marriage factory was empty. I did maybe 8 ceremonies. The next week, I did 30 in 4 1/2 hours. Le deluge, indeed. The couples were all grateful, and almost all sweet. Standouts include the men who had matching bow ties. I was wearing one as well, purchased for the occasion by my wife from Jessie Tyler Ferguson's marriage-equality-supporting company, tietheknot.org.
After the initial rush (20 ceremonies the next week, 18 the week after that), things calmed down, as I knew they would. The average is 12-15 ceremonies, with the volume picking up toward midday. The summer has been busier, so I wasn't surprised to read that Miss Janet kept busy when she filled in for me.
Last week's couples were almost all dressed for the occasion, from those with one witness to a crew of 20 or more. It wasn't until the end of my shift that I got a t-shirt & jeans couple. Trumping all comers were a group from an African country. Each woman in the crowd wore a different color. They posed for pictures in the lobby, and it looked like a rainbow - so beautiful! I also had two couples with English grooms. That accent! No wonder their spouses fell for them.
This week, there was an early wedding with a problem that pops up every once in a while: the member of the couple who does not speak English. No worries for me if his/her language is Spanish - I do Spanish ceremonies every week. This time, he spoke French. My wife's French is good, but mine is non-existent. As usually happens in these cases, there was a witness who was translating most of what is going on. That person cannot translate the vows, however. The groom must agree to the marriage without prompting. The translator is only trying to help, but unfortunately, we must be rude and ask her to stop talking. Luckily in this case, the groom understood enough to tell me that he wanted to marry his bride, and everything else went off without a hitch. I used Google Translate to learn how to ask the necessary question: Voulez vous epouser BRIDE'S NAME? Now I am prepared - unless the couple speaks German. Then I'm out of luck.
The Lightning Round
Original post date: February 28, 2013
Fridays at the Marriage Factory usually get busy toward noon, just as I'm ready to duck out the door and join friends for lunch. Sometimes that rush is mild and other times, well...
Two Fridays ago was the day after Valentine's Day and the day before a 3-day weekend. The first 90 minutes were not unusual, even a bit slow. Then more couples started arriving. And more after them. By 11:20, I had 5 licenses on my desk, and several in the queue. Luckily, the second wedding room was still decorated, so Clerk C offered to bring the couples up to me, and I'd marry 'em one after the other, switching rooms as needed. We got through 9 couples in about an hour that way, with each bride and groom still getting a very nice ceremony.
Last Friday was back to normal. Five or six couples, with a few more hitting our doors about noon, including one in a formal wedding gown. My relief arrived at 12:30, and I was out the door, so I never got to see how that one panned out. As Miss Janet says, we have no endings.
The two dresses of note over the last two weeks were turquoise. The first week's dress was a floor-length sleeveless maternity dress worn by a bride almost ready to give birth. She looked lovely, perhaps even glowing. By contrast, Week 2's dress was a traditional Chinese Muslim wedding dress, very ornately embroidered, with a head covering, also lovely.
Fridays at the Marriage Factory usually get busy toward noon, just as I'm ready to duck out the door and join friends for lunch. Sometimes that rush is mild and other times, well...
Two Fridays ago was the day after Valentine's Day and the day before a 3-day weekend. The first 90 minutes were not unusual, even a bit slow. Then more couples started arriving. And more after them. By 11:20, I had 5 licenses on my desk, and several in the queue. Luckily, the second wedding room was still decorated, so Clerk C offered to bring the couples up to me, and I'd marry 'em one after the other, switching rooms as needed. We got through 9 couples in about an hour that way, with each bride and groom still getting a very nice ceremony.
Last Friday was back to normal. Five or six couples, with a few more hitting our doors about noon, including one in a formal wedding gown. My relief arrived at 12:30, and I was out the door, so I never got to see how that one panned out. As Miss Janet says, we have no endings.
The two dresses of note over the last two weeks were turquoise. The first week's dress was a floor-length sleeveless maternity dress worn by a bride almost ready to give birth. She looked lovely, perhaps even glowing. By contrast, Week 2's dress was a traditional Chinese Muslim wedding dress, very ornately embroidered, with a head covering, also lovely.
Amour For The Long Haul
Original post date: February 6, 2013
Weddings were thin on the ground this week - just five. During one ceremony, the groom got choked up, barely able to say the vows. The dumbstruck groom made me think of AMOUR, a french movie currently playing in a few art houses here in the Bay Area. It's the story of an elderly couple as the wife slowly loses her faculties and slips away. AMOUR won top prize at the Cannes Film Festival, and is nominated for several Oscars. It is by all accounts a powerful and masterfully made film. Despite the acclaim and glowing reviews all around, I won't see it.
Every description of the movie mentions how wrenching it is to see someone lose the person who means the most to him. As I get older, the fear of that loss grows in me. I am more sentimental than I used to be, tearing up at images of loss in songs, TV shows, and even the odd commercial, so sitting through 2 hours of that is a non-starter.
How does someone get so connected to someone else that just the confirmation of that connection overwhelms him? I see the depth of that connection every week, sometimes several times in a single shift. I don't mean to cast aspersions on those couples who aren't moved by the wedding I perform - many have already had elaborate ceremonies or are legally codifying a union they've had for years. Do those marriages where one or both of the partners gets verklempt have a better chance of succeeding? Statistically, no, but I'm guessing it's a good start.
Fashion report
The most memorable witness of the week was the child with a tuxedo shirt like the ones that were all the rage in the '70s who also had spiked hair that looked like a strip of galvanized roofing nails. Not an easy look to pull off.
Weddings were thin on the ground this week - just five. During one ceremony, the groom got choked up, barely able to say the vows. The dumbstruck groom made me think of AMOUR, a french movie currently playing in a few art houses here in the Bay Area. It's the story of an elderly couple as the wife slowly loses her faculties and slips away. AMOUR won top prize at the Cannes Film Festival, and is nominated for several Oscars. It is by all accounts a powerful and masterfully made film. Despite the acclaim and glowing reviews all around, I won't see it.
Every description of the movie mentions how wrenching it is to see someone lose the person who means the most to him. As I get older, the fear of that loss grows in me. I am more sentimental than I used to be, tearing up at images of loss in songs, TV shows, and even the odd commercial, so sitting through 2 hours of that is a non-starter.
How does someone get so connected to someone else that just the confirmation of that connection overwhelms him? I see the depth of that connection every week, sometimes several times in a single shift. I don't mean to cast aspersions on those couples who aren't moved by the wedding I perform - many have already had elaborate ceremonies or are legally codifying a union they've had for years. Do those marriages where one or both of the partners gets verklempt have a better chance of succeeding? Statistically, no, but I'm guessing it's a good start.
Fashion report
The most memorable witness of the week was the child with a tuxedo shirt like the ones that were all the rage in the '70s who also had spiked hair that looked like a strip of galvanized roofing nails. Not an easy look to pull off.
No Time To Rest
Original post date: January 19, 2013
Unlike Miss Janet, I barely had time to sit and read the paper today. The Hall is closed on Monday. Perhaps that is why so many couples chose today to get married - 15 in all, and 3 more to be done after I left! To top it all off, the clerks were shorthanded thanks to the megaflu, yet they still managed to keep bringing me ceremonies. My desk was like the room in The Sorcerer's Apprentice - I'd have 5 weddings to do, get done one, and still had 5 weddings left. They were multiplying!
There were examples of just about every kind of wedding: "just doing the paperwork", "we came in to get the license and thought what the heck and have the coffee stand attendant as a witness", several "we're having a baby", and a couple all-out shows.
Standouts include the couple who had been dating 2 weeks (the groom made it clear they had been close friends for a long time – wonder what flipped the switch?), the bride who held the couple's sleeping daughter throughout the ceremony (I normally ask the couple to join hands - the groom gently took hers without my prompting) the little girl woke up in time for the pictures, the bride who smiled and cheered and did a little dance after the pronouncement ( I love a happy bride), and the pregnant bride who chewed gum all the way through the wedding. I'd be cross except I bet it's to fight nausea, so she has my sympathies.
For some reason, at least 4 brides had turquoise necklaces. As far as I can tell, garnet is January's stone, so go figure. Beautiful dresses all day long, including a few standard wedding-type dresses in shades of white and off-white, with and without adornment. A few noteworthy ones: a lilac full-length prom-type dress with a lacy corset, a red & black Japanese-patterned maternity wrap, and a gorgeous black and white sheath with ruching on the front.
I hope some of this bounty of brides spills over to Miss Janet's next shift, and I also hope all the sick little clerks are feeling better when I get back next week!
Unlike Miss Janet, I barely had time to sit and read the paper today. The Hall is closed on Monday. Perhaps that is why so many couples chose today to get married - 15 in all, and 3 more to be done after I left! To top it all off, the clerks were shorthanded thanks to the megaflu, yet they still managed to keep bringing me ceremonies. My desk was like the room in The Sorcerer's Apprentice - I'd have 5 weddings to do, get done one, and still had 5 weddings left. They were multiplying!
There were examples of just about every kind of wedding: "just doing the paperwork", "we came in to get the license and thought what the heck and have the coffee stand attendant as a witness", several "we're having a baby", and a couple all-out shows.
Standouts include the couple who had been dating 2 weeks (the groom made it clear they had been close friends for a long time – wonder what flipped the switch?), the bride who held the couple's sleeping daughter throughout the ceremony (I normally ask the couple to join hands - the groom gently took hers without my prompting) the little girl woke up in time for the pictures, the bride who smiled and cheered and did a little dance after the pronouncement ( I love a happy bride), and the pregnant bride who chewed gum all the way through the wedding. I'd be cross except I bet it's to fight nausea, so she has my sympathies.
For some reason, at least 4 brides had turquoise necklaces. As far as I can tell, garnet is January's stone, so go figure. Beautiful dresses all day long, including a few standard wedding-type dresses in shades of white and off-white, with and without adornment. A few noteworthy ones: a lilac full-length prom-type dress with a lacy corset, a red & black Japanese-patterned maternity wrap, and a gorgeous black and white sheath with ruching on the front.
I hope some of this bounty of brides spills over to Miss Janet's next shift, and I also hope all the sick little clerks are feeling better when I get back next week!
A Language Kerfuffle
Original post date: January 7, 2013
The holidays have been a period of much activity, not least at the Marriage Factory. Here's a rundown of the last three weeks.
The day before the weekend before Christmas Eve was surprisingly busy, with almost 10 weddings (that means 9), a couple of whom even mentioned the predicted end of the world. Several of the couples had kids, none cuter than the little one who held her mother's bouquet in front of her and said, "I'm a bush!" One of the grooms, taking me for a judge, asked me how I came to marry people. I explained how to become a deputy marriage commissioner, and he seemed interested. Even with Miss J back, we still need all the help we can get.
The cutest couple were a pair of "hipsters" - piercings, ear gauging, the whole lot. She wore a short ecru dress with a blue petticoat that matched his tie.
New Year's Eve Eve Eve Eve Day was slower. Images: a babe-in-arms, slowly pulling petals out of her mother's bouquet, examining them, and dropping them on the floor. A bride in a raincoat and boots who removed the coat to reveal a beautiful red wedding dress with a tutu-like skirt. A wad of gum on the underside of the podium. (Gross) Incidents like that reassure me that I'm not getting baselessly crankier as I'm getting older. Sometimes, that crankiness is warranted.
This Friday started with a kerfuffle over foreign language ceremonies. I'm qualified to do weddings in Spanish & English. We have staff who can do weddings in Cantonese, Lao, Vietnamese, and Mandarin. A couple had a Mandarin wedding scheduled, but the person who does them hadwork to attend to, so I took up another couple for an English ceremony.
As I was talking to the upstairs clerk about the first couple, my couple overhears and decides they want a Mandarin ceremony too. 2 problems: 1) I'd already printed my name on the license; normally, the clerk could just reprint it, but 2) the license is from San Francisco. Solution from the HoR geniuses: I did the absolute necessities (what I call "Do you/Do you/Power vested in me"), thus marrying the couple, and the Mandarin-speaking clerk did the full ceremony. Everyone was happy, and no reprinting was necessary.
The rest of the day was busy but less complicated. Lots of beautiful dresses, including a floor-length white gown, a tea-length white dress with lace side panels, a mini with snow boots, and a "little black dress" in orange. The snow boots couple had recently lost their dog, and so had his/her tags wrapped around the stems of the bouquet. They are forever awesome for doing that.
Most season-appropriate apparel:
The bride & groom in matching 49ers jerseys. Go Niners!
The holidays have been a period of much activity, not least at the Marriage Factory. Here's a rundown of the last three weeks.
The day before the weekend before Christmas Eve was surprisingly busy, with almost 10 weddings (that means 9), a couple of whom even mentioned the predicted end of the world. Several of the couples had kids, none cuter than the little one who held her mother's bouquet in front of her and said, "I'm a bush!" One of the grooms, taking me for a judge, asked me how I came to marry people. I explained how to become a deputy marriage commissioner, and he seemed interested. Even with Miss J back, we still need all the help we can get.
The cutest couple were a pair of "hipsters" - piercings, ear gauging, the whole lot. She wore a short ecru dress with a blue petticoat that matched his tie.
New Year's Eve Eve Eve Eve Day was slower. Images: a babe-in-arms, slowly pulling petals out of her mother's bouquet, examining them, and dropping them on the floor. A bride in a raincoat and boots who removed the coat to reveal a beautiful red wedding dress with a tutu-like skirt. A wad of gum on the underside of the podium. (Gross) Incidents like that reassure me that I'm not getting baselessly crankier as I'm getting older. Sometimes, that crankiness is warranted.
This Friday started with a kerfuffle over foreign language ceremonies. I'm qualified to do weddings in Spanish & English. We have staff who can do weddings in Cantonese, Lao, Vietnamese, and Mandarin. A couple had a Mandarin wedding scheduled, but the person who does them hadwork to attend to, so I took up another couple for an English ceremony.
As I was talking to the upstairs clerk about the first couple, my couple overhears and decides they want a Mandarin ceremony too. 2 problems: 1) I'd already printed my name on the license; normally, the clerk could just reprint it, but 2) the license is from San Francisco. Solution from the HoR geniuses: I did the absolute necessities (what I call "Do you/Do you/Power vested in me"), thus marrying the couple, and the Mandarin-speaking clerk did the full ceremony. Everyone was happy, and no reprinting was necessary.
The rest of the day was busy but less complicated. Lots of beautiful dresses, including a floor-length white gown, a tea-length white dress with lace side panels, a mini with snow boots, and a "little black dress" in orange. The snow boots couple had recently lost their dog, and so had his/her tags wrapped around the stems of the bouquet. They are forever awesome for doing that.
Most season-appropriate apparel:
The bride & groom in matching 49ers jerseys. Go Niners!
Kids (Yet Again)
Original post date: November 19, 2012
Sorry I haven't written lately. The weddings have been nice, but not noteworthy until this week. The hall is closed next Friday, so perhaps many couples decided to take the plunge a week early. I did 10 ceremonies Friday morning, and the groups ranged from two (just the couple) to a full house. The cutest wedding featured the bride, groom, and their infant daughter, who was strapped to Mommy's chest. The little girl had just learned to blow raspberries, so the ceremony was punctuated with slobbery lips. When she would get a little fussy, Mom would rock back and forth a little. I found myself doing likewise a couple times, and it always worked. I'll try that again next time we have a fussy 5-year-old.
I always advise a couple to make a child part of the ceremony if they like, or if there could be squirming and crying. In one of the other ceremonies, a toddler became part of the wedding, and "helped" when the rings were exchanged by grabbing Daddy's ring and hurling it to the ground. Luckily, Daddy picked it up and put it on Mommy's finger,and there you go - married!
Fashion report
Two notable dresses this week: an old-fashioned wedding dress - long-sleeved with lace decolletage - very lovely, and a traditional Korean wedding dress like this: http://www.newbridal.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/korean-wedding-dress-6.jpg - that looked kind of uncomfortable.
Best groom
The well-dressed nerd - cardigan, bow tie, and horn-rimmed glasses, a la Pharrell Williams or Russell Westbrook.
Sorry I haven't written lately. The weddings have been nice, but not noteworthy until this week. The hall is closed next Friday, so perhaps many couples decided to take the plunge a week early. I did 10 ceremonies Friday morning, and the groups ranged from two (just the couple) to a full house. The cutest wedding featured the bride, groom, and their infant daughter, who was strapped to Mommy's chest. The little girl had just learned to blow raspberries, so the ceremony was punctuated with slobbery lips. When she would get a little fussy, Mom would rock back and forth a little. I found myself doing likewise a couple times, and it always worked. I'll try that again next time we have a fussy 5-year-old.
I always advise a couple to make a child part of the ceremony if they like, or if there could be squirming and crying. In one of the other ceremonies, a toddler became part of the wedding, and "helped" when the rings were exchanged by grabbing Daddy's ring and hurling it to the ground. Luckily, Daddy picked it up and put it on Mommy's finger,and there you go - married!
Fashion report
Two notable dresses this week: an old-fashioned wedding dress - long-sleeved with lace decolletage - very lovely, and a traditional Korean wedding dress like this: http://www.newbridal.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/korean-wedding-dress-6.jpg - that looked kind of uncomfortable.
Best groom
The well-dressed nerd - cardigan, bow tie, and horn-rimmed glasses, a la Pharrell Williams or Russell Westbrook.
The Sports Report
Original post date: October 29, 2012
First of all: Yay Giants!!!
This week at the Hall of Records was a very stylish one, with several well-designed bride/groom outfits. My favorite was a bride in a turquoise dress with a groom in a gray vest and trousers with a turquoise shirt. His tie was turquoise and gray with a matching pocket square. Very chic!
Second place goes to a bride in a white strapless dress with cobalt blue shoes. The groom? Cobalt blue shirt to match!
Now, as you can tell from the first sentence in this post, I am a Bay Area sports fan. I like every team we've got, no matter the sport. The most notorious are, of course, the Oakland Raiders, whose fans are called the Black Hole.
The biggest wedding on Friday featured a bride in a beautiful gown and a groom in a Hawaiian-style shirt with Raiders logos on it. Not to worry - several of the guests wore Raiders jerseys and the bride's bouquet had a Raiders ribbon around the stems! The groom cracked jokes during the vows, which is OK the first time or two - nerves and all - but grows exponentially wearisome and disrespectful to the bride and to me as it continues. My thoughts: Raiders fans have a bad enough reputation. Why play into that by being rude?
In conclusion: Yay Giants!
First of all: Yay Giants!!!
This week at the Hall of Records was a very stylish one, with several well-designed bride/groom outfits. My favorite was a bride in a turquoise dress with a groom in a gray vest and trousers with a turquoise shirt. His tie was turquoise and gray with a matching pocket square. Very chic!
Second place goes to a bride in a white strapless dress with cobalt blue shoes. The groom? Cobalt blue shirt to match!
Now, as you can tell from the first sentence in this post, I am a Bay Area sports fan. I like every team we've got, no matter the sport. The most notorious are, of course, the Oakland Raiders, whose fans are called the Black Hole.
The biggest wedding on Friday featured a bride in a beautiful gown and a groom in a Hawaiian-style shirt with Raiders logos on it. Not to worry - several of the guests wore Raiders jerseys and the bride's bouquet had a Raiders ribbon around the stems! The groom cracked jokes during the vows, which is OK the first time or two - nerves and all - but grows exponentially wearisome and disrespectful to the bride and to me as it continues. My thoughts: Raiders fans have a bad enough reputation. Why play into that by being rude?
In conclusion: Yay Giants!
A Grand Affair
Original post date: October 19, 2012
During the standard ceremony I perform, I ask the bride & groom to join hands. What should the bride do when she's already holding a bouquet? I don't think there's a right answer. Some keep it, the groom wrapping his fingers around the stem and hers. Others hand it to a witness, seeming to regret having brought it in the first place. Readers, what do you think?
I had the most elaborate wedding ever this week. The couple wanted a traditional processional. The groom's best man and groomsmen stood by him. There were three flower girls - luckily, their title was ceremonial; no petals to clean up afterwards - and a 2 or 3-year-old ring-bearer in a 3-piece suit. As the bride prepared to walk down the aisle, one of the witnesses played the wedding march on her phone. After the ceremony, many pictures were taken.
For the first time I can remember (although I'm sure not the first time ever), all the couples were first-timers - none had been married before. Considering how much planning went into the large wedding, I suspect it will be the only one for them.
During the standard ceremony I perform, I ask the bride & groom to join hands. What should the bride do when she's already holding a bouquet? I don't think there's a right answer. Some keep it, the groom wrapping his fingers around the stem and hers. Others hand it to a witness, seeming to regret having brought it in the first place. Readers, what do you think?
I had the most elaborate wedding ever this week. The couple wanted a traditional processional. The groom's best man and groomsmen stood by him. There were three flower girls - luckily, their title was ceremonial; no petals to clean up afterwards - and a 2 or 3-year-old ring-bearer in a 3-piece suit. As the bride prepared to walk down the aisle, one of the witnesses played the wedding march on her phone. After the ceremony, many pictures were taken.
For the first time I can remember (although I'm sure not the first time ever), all the couples were first-timers - none had been married before. Considering how much planning went into the large wedding, I suspect it will be the only one for them.
Typos & Shoes
Original post date: October 10, 2012
This was a week of typos and shoes.
When a couple comes to the Hall of Records to get married, they enter all the information for the bride and groom themselves, into a computer in the lobby. Any mistakes made in that section are their fault. When they get to the counter, they hand-write the witness information for the clerk. My handwriting is appalling, so I can understand how clerks sometimes mistake an "a" for an "o" or a "1" for a "7".
Before the couple pays for the license, they read it over, looking for typos. The couple is not always in the clearest frame of mind, which may explain why our upstairs clerk had to reprint 3 licenses during my shift. It wasn't just one kind of mistake. We had a misspelled witness name, an incorrect birth date, and a missing apartment number.
Moral: Always get the couple to read the license first.
Fashion report
Great-looking and well-matched heels were the order of the day. A bride with a black dress and a rose in her hair had rose heels with black trim. Sparkly silver dress = sparkly silver heels. And what is a white sleeveless dress without white heels?
Best post-vow shout by a groom: "Go A's!" Let's hope...
This was a week of typos and shoes.
When a couple comes to the Hall of Records to get married, they enter all the information for the bride and groom themselves, into a computer in the lobby. Any mistakes made in that section are their fault. When they get to the counter, they hand-write the witness information for the clerk. My handwriting is appalling, so I can understand how clerks sometimes mistake an "a" for an "o" or a "1" for a "7".
Before the couple pays for the license, they read it over, looking for typos. The couple is not always in the clearest frame of mind, which may explain why our upstairs clerk had to reprint 3 licenses during my shift. It wasn't just one kind of mistake. We had a misspelled witness name, an incorrect birth date, and a missing apartment number.
Moral: Always get the couple to read the license first.
Fashion report
Great-looking and well-matched heels were the order of the day. A bride with a black dress and a rose in her hair had rose heels with black trim. Sparkly silver dress = sparkly silver heels. And what is a white sleeveless dress without white heels?
Best post-vow shout by a groom: "Go A's!" Let's hope...
My Name In Ink
Original post date: October 5, 2012
It only took me 4 years at the Hall of Records to get tired of printing my name, which I do 2 times for most ceremonies. I decided that a stamp would be much more legible, if not easier. (This is for my spelled name, not signed name. That is still unreadable.) My lovely wife Sue got me the stamp and wouldn't you know it, the next week at the Hall of Records was rather slow. I only used my stamp about 5 times, and one of the clerks had to reprint a license because I stamped a little off-center. Practice will make perfect, I'm sure.
The main problem with being able to perform Spanish ceremonies will be familiar to anyone who knows a bit of a different language. The people for whom I perform the ceremony assume I understand Spanish. I can get the gist of most conversations, but not at the speed at which most people speak their native language. I need to learn more and better Spanish.
Photo sharing as a way of saving effort and space is obviously not catching on. The group at one ceremony had 9 different cameras & phones going at once, with some people working 2 in tandem. There's no squashing the feeling that someone else's pictures won't be the ones we would've taken.
Fashion report
Cutest rings: matching Scrabble tiles with the mate's initial - hers had his first initial, his had hers. Both were worth 1 point - nice and equal.
A few lovely asymmetrical, flowing dresses, one beaded with a beaded headband, like an understated tiara.
So much ink, including a bride with a breastplate tattoo of a winged heart. Still not tempted to get one myself. She wore a lovely black dress, but kept a denim jacket over it.
It only took me 4 years at the Hall of Records to get tired of printing my name, which I do 2 times for most ceremonies. I decided that a stamp would be much more legible, if not easier. (This is for my spelled name, not signed name. That is still unreadable.) My lovely wife Sue got me the stamp and wouldn't you know it, the next week at the Hall of Records was rather slow. I only used my stamp about 5 times, and one of the clerks had to reprint a license because I stamped a little off-center. Practice will make perfect, I'm sure.
The main problem with being able to perform Spanish ceremonies will be familiar to anyone who knows a bit of a different language. The people for whom I perform the ceremony assume I understand Spanish. I can get the gist of most conversations, but not at the speed at which most people speak their native language. I need to learn more and better Spanish.
Photo sharing as a way of saving effort and space is obviously not catching on. The group at one ceremony had 9 different cameras & phones going at once, with some people working 2 in tandem. There's no squashing the feeling that someone else's pictures won't be the ones we would've taken.
Fashion report
Cutest rings: matching Scrabble tiles with the mate's initial - hers had his first initial, his had hers. Both were worth 1 point - nice and equal.
A few lovely asymmetrical, flowing dresses, one beaded with a beaded headband, like an understated tiara.
So much ink, including a bride with a breastplate tattoo of a winged heart. Still not tempted to get one myself. She wore a lovely black dress, but kept a denim jacket over it.
Children
Original post date: September 17, 2012
A tattoo parlor (Why parlor? Why not “shop” or "emporium"?) in Alameda has a sign in the window: "If you have to come in with children, please control them."
I would like a copy of that sign for the wedding room. Several children were part of weddings this week -some rowdy, some very well-behaved.
The centerpiece of the wedding room is the arch, a lovely garden trellis strung with plastic vines and Christmas lights. The tables on either side of the arch used to hold bouquets before the staff discovered couples were leaving with them. Now they sit empty, sentries for the arch.
The rowdy child spent the entire wedding fiddling with one of the tables, which at least kept him busy. When he reached for the arch, I had to ask the parents (aka the bride & groom) to stop him. Children love to pull on things, and the arch must not be disturbed. Luckily, the boy was distracted long enough to let me finish the ceremony.
On the other side were the couple who had 3 children between them, all of whom participated in the wedding - 2 ring-bearers and a best "man". It was beautiful to see how happy they and the couple were to have the whole family involved in the ceremony. The parents obviously had impressed upon them how important the wedding was and how important their part in it was. Well done!
As a bonus, I got to train a new staff member. She observed me performing a couple weddings, and didn't understand why I didn't need a copy of the ceremony. "I've done 1,500 weddings," I told her.
"It's muscle memory now, and it will be for you too."
Fashion report
The bride who arrived in sweats and emerged from the ladies' room in a lovely full-length white dress to match her groom's 3-piece suit. Clever girl - I wouldn't want to get anything on that dress, either.
A tattoo parlor (Why parlor? Why not “shop” or "emporium"?) in Alameda has a sign in the window: "If you have to come in with children, please control them."
I would like a copy of that sign for the wedding room. Several children were part of weddings this week -some rowdy, some very well-behaved.
The centerpiece of the wedding room is the arch, a lovely garden trellis strung with plastic vines and Christmas lights. The tables on either side of the arch used to hold bouquets before the staff discovered couples were leaving with them. Now they sit empty, sentries for the arch.
The rowdy child spent the entire wedding fiddling with one of the tables, which at least kept him busy. When he reached for the arch, I had to ask the parents (aka the bride & groom) to stop him. Children love to pull on things, and the arch must not be disturbed. Luckily, the boy was distracted long enough to let me finish the ceremony.
On the other side were the couple who had 3 children between them, all of whom participated in the wedding - 2 ring-bearers and a best "man". It was beautiful to see how happy they and the couple were to have the whole family involved in the ceremony. The parents obviously had impressed upon them how important the wedding was and how important their part in it was. Well done!
As a bonus, I got to train a new staff member. She observed me performing a couple weddings, and didn't understand why I didn't need a copy of the ceremony. "I've done 1,500 weddings," I told her.
"It's muscle memory now, and it will be for you too."
Fashion report
The bride who arrived in sweats and emerged from the ladies' room in a lovely full-length white dress to match her groom's 3-piece suit. Clever girl - I wouldn't want to get anything on that dress, either.
Off-site
Original post date: September 9, 2012
Every once in a a great while, I'm asked to practice my marrying skills outside the friendly confines of the Hall of Records.
The little secret of weddings in California (and perhaps elsewhere) is that anyone can solemnize a marriage. You'd need to go to the Hall of Records and get deputized for a single wedding. Before I started marrying people, our friend Scott officiated at our friends Bradley & Gina's wedding. Once I started at the Hall of Records, I wanted to be able to do any wedding anywhere in the US, so I became ordained in the Universal Life Church. That way, I wouldn't need to bother the Vitals staff with the paperwork.
Earlier this year, as I chatted with a couple before marrying them, the bride told me that they intended to have a wedding for family & friends later in the year. She was finalizing the plans and asked if I knew anyone who could officiate. Since the couple had already been legally married by me, they could have anyone preside at their family wedding.
When she asked for an officiant, I volunteered, and she accepted. Last week, that wedding happened. It was great to see them still very much in love and a little nervous. Family from both sides had traveled quite a ways to join them, and they were very grateful. That made for a supportive and loving atmosphere, and I was happy to be a small part of their special day.
As Miss Janet says, we have no endings. People get married and go on their way. The only exception I have is my brother-in-law, still happily married to the lovely woman I wedded him to almost 2 years ago. What a thrill to get to be a part of the next piece of this great couple's married lives!
Every once in a a great while, I'm asked to practice my marrying skills outside the friendly confines of the Hall of Records.
The little secret of weddings in California (and perhaps elsewhere) is that anyone can solemnize a marriage. You'd need to go to the Hall of Records and get deputized for a single wedding. Before I started marrying people, our friend Scott officiated at our friends Bradley & Gina's wedding. Once I started at the Hall of Records, I wanted to be able to do any wedding anywhere in the US, so I became ordained in the Universal Life Church. That way, I wouldn't need to bother the Vitals staff with the paperwork.
Earlier this year, as I chatted with a couple before marrying them, the bride told me that they intended to have a wedding for family & friends later in the year. She was finalizing the plans and asked if I knew anyone who could officiate. Since the couple had already been legally married by me, they could have anyone preside at their family wedding.
When she asked for an officiant, I volunteered, and she accepted. Last week, that wedding happened. It was great to see them still very much in love and a little nervous. Family from both sides had traveled quite a ways to join them, and they were very grateful. That made for a supportive and loving atmosphere, and I was happy to be a small part of their special day.
As Miss Janet says, we have no endings. People get married and go on their way. The only exception I have is my brother-in-law, still happily married to the lovely woman I wedded him to almost 2 years ago. What a thrill to get to be a part of the next piece of this great couple's married lives!
FIRE!
Original post date: September 4, 2012
The big story at the marriage factory Friday morning wasn't weddings - it was fire. A fight between two of the people who sleep in the Hall of Records entryway turned nasty, and someone set fire to the front of the building. The recording department had to move into the area where I sit. Normally, that space is almost empty, with all the clerks out front, helping customers. This week, folks I'd never met with piles of papers were at every desk. It felt claustrophobic. Surprising how habituated one gets to an environment.
There was a wedding waiting as soon as I arrived. The bride & groom wore flip-flops & shorts and chewed gum. Luckily, the day got better from there.
I did more Spanish than English weddings, including a multi-lingual ceremony where the mother of the bride spoke no English and the groom spoke no Spanish. Everyone was happy at the end. Four of the eleven brides Friday morning had the same name. I don't think that's happened before.
Fashion report
The big story at the marriage factory Friday morning wasn't weddings - it was fire. A fight between two of the people who sleep in the Hall of Records entryway turned nasty, and someone set fire to the front of the building. The recording department had to move into the area where I sit. Normally, that space is almost empty, with all the clerks out front, helping customers. This week, folks I'd never met with piles of papers were at every desk. It felt claustrophobic. Surprising how habituated one gets to an environment.
There was a wedding waiting as soon as I arrived. The bride & groom wore flip-flops & shorts and chewed gum. Luckily, the day got better from there.
I did more Spanish than English weddings, including a multi-lingual ceremony where the mother of the bride spoke no English and the groom spoke no Spanish. Everyone was happy at the end. Four of the eleven brides Friday morning had the same name. I don't think that's happened before.
Fashion report
- A pair of blond twin boys in matching corduroy coats - adorable!
- Matching rhinestone shoes (looking ever so slightly like this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Hirst-Love-Of-God.jpg) and fingernails
- A cute dress & leggings that looked like they'd been dyed with potato-print
- A matching white dress and feathery hair comb
Smile For The Camera
Original post date: August 12, 2012
An average day at the marriage factory - one or two typos, a few crying brides, and a couple folks struggling with cameras.
A lot of couples are surprised at how nice the wedding room is. I think they expect a bureaucratic office with beige walls and a plain desk and file cabinet - which is exactly what the clerk's office is.
The room itself if very warm and inviting, with rich wood pew-like benches, a lovely carved podium and wall-high folky tapestries. There is also a lovely garden arch woven with plastic vines and flowers. Couples can imagine they're being married in a bower.
Two couples had restless kids this week. That wouldn't be so bad if the benches didn't resound so when kicked and weren't so smooth the kids can slide back and forth across them. I get it, though. A wedding is very boring if you're 8 or 9 and not a part of it. Still, can't they sit still for 10 minutes? I used to be annoyed when parents would give a child a handheld video game to keep him distracted. Now I think the county should invest in a couple, for the sake of peace.
I don't like posing for pictures in real life. Since I donned the robe, I would guess I've been in more than 500. The secret to looking good in a picture is to stare directly at the lens, not at the person taking the picture. When there are multiple cameras, swivel your head from camera to camera as best you can.
Anyone who thinks that easy photo-sharing will reduce the number of people who want to take pictures at an event is naive. Now that everyone can be a photographer, everyone wants to be a photographer.
Fashion report
The bride wore a leopard-print knee-high dress with jet-black hair and red lipstick - totally worked.
An average day at the marriage factory - one or two typos, a few crying brides, and a couple folks struggling with cameras.
A lot of couples are surprised at how nice the wedding room is. I think they expect a bureaucratic office with beige walls and a plain desk and file cabinet - which is exactly what the clerk's office is.
The room itself if very warm and inviting, with rich wood pew-like benches, a lovely carved podium and wall-high folky tapestries. There is also a lovely garden arch woven with plastic vines and flowers. Couples can imagine they're being married in a bower.
Two couples had restless kids this week. That wouldn't be so bad if the benches didn't resound so when kicked and weren't so smooth the kids can slide back and forth across them. I get it, though. A wedding is very boring if you're 8 or 9 and not a part of it. Still, can't they sit still for 10 minutes? I used to be annoyed when parents would give a child a handheld video game to keep him distracted. Now I think the county should invest in a couple, for the sake of peace.
I don't like posing for pictures in real life. Since I donned the robe, I would guess I've been in more than 500. The secret to looking good in a picture is to stare directly at the lens, not at the person taking the picture. When there are multiple cameras, swivel your head from camera to camera as best you can.
Anyone who thinks that easy photo-sharing will reduce the number of people who want to take pictures at an event is naive. Now that everyone can be a photographer, everyone wants to be a photographer.
Fashion report
The bride wore a leopard-print knee-high dress with jet-black hair and red lipstick - totally worked.
The Force Is Strong With This One
Original post date: August 7, 2012
This week was another busy one at the marriage factory. Miss Janet already described the media swarm that engulfed our little office a couple weeks ago.
The only anecdote I can add is the couple who had attended the same high school years ago. The bride had asked the groom to the prom and he had declined. To make matters better/worse, he did not remember that until a friend of the soon-to-be bride brought it to his attention - after the couple had started dating for a while. Luckily, the bride had a good sense of humor, and the groom certainly seemed to regret his earlier decision.
There was a couple with a large party waiting when the doors opened. I hadn't arrived; luckily, we have an enthusiastic intern who loves doing weddings. From then on, the couples kept coming.
Some highlights:
The couple was in their 60s and their ceremony was in Spanish. They were so in love they began kissing before the vows were done. No worries about those two.
The bride and groom were 30 years apart in age. He was dapper in a pin-stripe suit and she lovely in a purple dress. She was trembling throughout the ceremony, and couldn't wait to hug her new husband.
Since Miss Janet occasionally focuses on fashion, I will do the same. The bride wore a STAR WARS T-shirt pattern on a mini dress, even though she was born after RETURN OF THE JEDI came out. No one mentioned it. She also had a flower in her hair. Coolest thing ever.
This week was another busy one at the marriage factory. Miss Janet already described the media swarm that engulfed our little office a couple weeks ago.
The only anecdote I can add is the couple who had attended the same high school years ago. The bride had asked the groom to the prom and he had declined. To make matters better/worse, he did not remember that until a friend of the soon-to-be bride brought it to his attention - after the couple had started dating for a while. Luckily, the bride had a good sense of humor, and the groom certainly seemed to regret his earlier decision.
There was a couple with a large party waiting when the doors opened. I hadn't arrived; luckily, we have an enthusiastic intern who loves doing weddings. From then on, the couples kept coming.
Some highlights:
The couple was in their 60s and their ceremony was in Spanish. They were so in love they began kissing before the vows were done. No worries about those two.
The bride and groom were 30 years apart in age. He was dapper in a pin-stripe suit and she lovely in a purple dress. She was trembling throughout the ceremony, and couldn't wait to hug her new husband.
Since Miss Janet occasionally focuses on fashion, I will do the same. The bride wore a STAR WARS T-shirt pattern on a mini dress, even though she was born after RETURN OF THE JEDI came out. No one mentioned it. She also had a flower in her hair. Coolest thing ever.
The Whirlwind
Original post date: July 26, 2012
My shifts at the marriage factory have been slow lately, averaging 5 or 6 couples. Today, things were a bit busier. I married 15 couples in 3 1/2 hours. That's one couple every 14 minutes. For the entire time I had at least one couple waiting to be married.
In such a whirlwind, a few stood out:
The couple who held their 2-month-old as they said the vows. The mom/bride was so happy she grinned ear to ear the entire time. The dad/groom looked shellshocked, but relieved after the ceremony.
The couple whose toddler would not stop running around the wedding room, pulling on everything. I rarely stop a ceremony, but I did twice to try to stop the kid. No dice.
The couple who were obviously completely in love with each other and with getting married. He was wearing a suit with a boutonniere and she had a simple lace dress and wrist corsage. I don't get choked up often, but that one had me smiling very broadly.
The couple whose guest was just a minute away from joining them - for 15 minutes.
Lovely clothes, bridal division:
My shifts at the marriage factory have been slow lately, averaging 5 or 6 couples. Today, things were a bit busier. I married 15 couples in 3 1/2 hours. That's one couple every 14 minutes. For the entire time I had at least one couple waiting to be married.
In such a whirlwind, a few stood out:
The couple who held their 2-month-old as they said the vows. The mom/bride was so happy she grinned ear to ear the entire time. The dad/groom looked shellshocked, but relieved after the ceremony.
The couple whose toddler would not stop running around the wedding room, pulling on everything. I rarely stop a ceremony, but I did twice to try to stop the kid. No dice.
The couple who were obviously completely in love with each other and with getting married. He was wearing a suit with a boutonniere and she had a simple lace dress and wrist corsage. I don't get choked up often, but that one had me smiling very broadly.
The couple whose guest was just a minute away from joining them - for 15 minutes.
Lovely clothes, bridal division:
- Black-and-white checked minidress with black heels and a canary yellow cardigan
- 2 floor-length shoulderless gowns, one floral with a beaded neckpiece and one red and scalloped
- Turquoise Chanel-inspired suit
- A few lace dresses, all perfectly appropriate
Lessons Learned Pt. 2
Original post date: July 23, 2012
1. Don't be afraid to ask how names are pronounced. Gone are the days of Steve and Cindy. Welcome, Abraxia, Shevvonne, and Reandeal.
2. Ask everyone to silence cell phones. This prevents the interruption as Dad calls to congratulate the couple and "I like big butts" rings out across the wedding room.
3. Have any photographers take a couple test shots, so the happy couple will be in focus, and you'll be ready for any interesting camera noises.
4. Wedding rings can cause a lot of confusion. 3 simple rules:
5. Wash your hands after every couple ceremonies, or if anyone coughs or sneezes. I don't know how the clerks avoid being sick all the time.
From Miss Janet:
I would add to number 4:
1. Don't be afraid to ask how names are pronounced. Gone are the days of Steve and Cindy. Welcome, Abraxia, Shevvonne, and Reandeal.
2. Ask everyone to silence cell phones. This prevents the interruption as Dad calls to congratulate the couple and "I like big butts" rings out across the wedding room.
3. Have any photographers take a couple test shots, so the happy couple will be in focus, and you'll be ready for any interesting camera noises.
4. Wedding rings can cause a lot of confusion. 3 simple rules:
- Get the rings ready before the ceremony begins. Finding them at the bottom of a purse really puts a crimp in the proceedings.
- The groom's left hand is opposite the bride's right hand. This is surprisingly challenging to remember.
- Rings often don't fit, especially when you're nervous. It happens a lot and means nothing - don't worry about it.
5. Wash your hands after every couple ceremonies, or if anyone coughs or sneezes. I don't know how the clerks avoid being sick all the time.
From Miss Janet:
I would add to number 4:
- Rings hit the floor, no big deal. Someone picks them up and we finish the ceremony.
- I can't tell you how many times I have said, "other left".
Lessons Learned Pt. 1
Original post date: July 20, 2012
Lessons learned at the Marriage Factory:
1. Check the marriage license - helps discover couples who will need a ceremony in Mandarin, Thai, Lao, etc. The dates of birth helps pick out who's who in the lobby - not every bride wears a wedding dress.
2. Ask if everyone's there. Mention feeding the meter and using the restroom, or people will forget where their witnesses have gone.
3. Go over the license with everyone before starting the ceremony. Fixing typos before things start is free and easy. Fixing legal documents is neither.
4. Nervous laughter during the ceremony is normal. So are tears, so try to have tissues ready.
5. Nervous people can't remember more than 5 or 6 words at a time, so parcel out the vows accordingly.
6. Children are bored by weddings, and a wooden bench is really loud when a child is repeatedly kicking it.
7. And most importantly, be nice to the clerks!
Lessons learned at the Marriage Factory:
1. Check the marriage license - helps discover couples who will need a ceremony in Mandarin, Thai, Lao, etc. The dates of birth helps pick out who's who in the lobby - not every bride wears a wedding dress.
2. Ask if everyone's there. Mention feeding the meter and using the restroom, or people will forget where their witnesses have gone.
3. Go over the license with everyone before starting the ceremony. Fixing typos before things start is free and easy. Fixing legal documents is neither.
4. Nervous laughter during the ceremony is normal. So are tears, so try to have tissues ready.
5. Nervous people can't remember more than 5 or 6 words at a time, so parcel out the vows accordingly.
6. Children are bored by weddings, and a wooden bench is really loud when a child is repeatedly kicking it.
7. And most importantly, be nice to the clerks!
Monday, March 23, 2015
First Musings
Original post date: July 16, 2012
Does age matter? The first couple were 20 years apart, but obviously in love. The groom had not expected the ceremony to be so moving. He even asked for a copy of it.
The second couple was the opposite - both young, the bride chewed gum, the groom put a no-doubt-intended-for-ironic-effect pause between "lawfully wedded" and "wife". They both laughed during the vows, and not the nervous laughter that occasionally comes out as tears.
A word about cameras: Can't someone get cameras so they all work the same? So much time is taken up with a bride or groom teaching a witness how to use the phone camera. Also, how about a longer pause before the picture disappears from the viewscreen? The current time is just enough for me to take the picture (which I offer to do for groups) and almost get the camera into someone's hands. It goes like this: snap, step step step, "take a look", fumble with camera trying to get back to the image that was visible 1.5 seconds ago.
The most interesting clothing of the morning was a bride who wore a mid-thigh trench coat. I tend to get more conservatively-dressed folks than Miss Janet, so the young lady's attire made me a little nervous. However, when she took off the coat, she was wearing a lovely shoulderless white dress with beading, appropriately cut. To make things even more enjoyable, the witnesses were twins with the same name except for one letter, like Eddie and Teddy, both also well-dressed. An altogether pleasant experience.
Does age matter? The first couple were 20 years apart, but obviously in love. The groom had not expected the ceremony to be so moving. He even asked for a copy of it.
The second couple was the opposite - both young, the bride chewed gum, the groom put a no-doubt-intended-for-ironic-effect pause between "lawfully wedded" and "wife". They both laughed during the vows, and not the nervous laughter that occasionally comes out as tears.
A word about cameras: Can't someone get cameras so they all work the same? So much time is taken up with a bride or groom teaching a witness how to use the phone camera. Also, how about a longer pause before the picture disappears from the viewscreen? The current time is just enough for me to take the picture (which I offer to do for groups) and almost get the camera into someone's hands. It goes like this: snap, step step step, "take a look", fumble with camera trying to get back to the image that was visible 1.5 seconds ago.
The most interesting clothing of the morning was a bride who wore a mid-thigh trench coat. I tend to get more conservatively-dressed folks than Miss Janet, so the young lady's attire made me a little nervous. However, when she took off the coat, she was wearing a lovely shoulderless white dress with beading, appropriately cut. To make things even more enjoyable, the witnesses were twins with the same name except for one letter, like Eddie and Teddy, both also well-dressed. An altogether pleasant experience.
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